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Love is to give yourself to another, so that he will live by you

Love is to give yourself to another so that he can live with you. The word about communication in marriage and life. Part of 1

April 27 2018
Tags: Religion, Orthodoxy, Marriage

Marriage is very serious, it is not just for it: it finds a foundation in the Church, which is a place of communication between people, their real unanimity, and in it we, most importantly, receive God's blessing to strengthen our strengths. The Sacrament of Marriage, like any other Sacrament performed in the Church, is not some formal action, but a real priesthood, and the words that are pronounced there are real, substantial, they are reality itself.

When someone is ordained a priest, we do not say to him: "We wish you to become a priest! Although, maybe you will not become one! "- no, he always becomes a priest. When we say: "The servant of God is baptized," the child becomes a Christian, which means that this person is already baptized, he is a Christian. From his heart and all being escapes demonic energies, he takes off the old man, clothed himself in Christ, his heart is covered by God's grace, and he becomes one with Christ.

Similarly, when we marry, it means that we receive the grace of the Holy Spirit that connects two people. That is, people begin to possess something that is activated, God gives them this through the Church, and it is activated so that the Sacrament can act, strengthen, cover the person and give him strength.

I remember that in the New Skete on Mount Athos, where we lived, we were visited somehow by some Jews, a man of three or four. And one of them felt something special. When we began to ask him, he told us that he was 27 years old, and in his infancy he was an Orthodox Christian. What happened then? His mother was a Cypriot, married a Jew, and when the child was born, baptized him, but when he turned 2 year, left her husband, leaving him with the child. That is, he actually did not see his mother, but he knew that he was a Christian son and was baptized, but otherwise he was an ordinary Jew: he went to the synagogue, did not believe in Christ and did not know Greek. However, since he was baptized, he had grace.

This is - how can I tell you? - a bit like professional secrets. That is, as a trained policeman can understand that such and such a person is not a criminal, but another liar and a thief, this is obvious to him, that's how the monks understand something, and in the case with him it was obvious. That is, God's grace, the grace of the Holy Spirit is something that exists and changes a person, this is undoubtedly and proven. People associated with the Church have something on themselves - they have a different radiation, in which there is no falsehood. If a person wants to pretend to be a church person, you will get a performance: this is impossible to depict, because you immediately cease to be natural. Because grace really exists, and it is something quite different, that is, there really is some reality, a connection, a real presence, something that really is being served to man.

The priest, performing the Sacrament, blesses the crowns and the newlyweds themselves with a cross to show that their connection, firstly, is based on God's grace and blessing, and secondly, has a godfather character. We do not marry for the sake of voluptuousness or pleasure. Well, you will necessarily marry, you will find such person who will involve you from all points of view, even corporally, and it is not bad. That is, you can not marry a girl to whom you do not have an inclination, including a carnal one, and this should not shock you, because in Brak a person's bond covers everything.

This sounds paradoxical and strange, but the attraction should be. Of course, if there is only a carnal attraction, then the marriage is doomed to failure, because you got on the wrong ground. That is, it can not develop in time, survive simply because the physical unity there may be, but there is no spiritual unity with another person. If you are not mentally communicating with another, then the rest does not mean anything. Body communication is not anything special, and it does not help people. And at least I would help, I told you once again that I would be happy if carnal unity helped people, helped to find a soul unity: people would then get rid of so many torments, the couple would be loving, happy, united, they would not parted, but, unfortunately, it is obvious that things are different.

Marriage is a godfather relationship, and a person entering it must be ready to overcome his "ego"

Marriage is a godfather relationship, a connection based on God's blessing, which assumes that a person enters into it consciously, willingly step over himself, overcome his "ego" in order to communicate with another person. He must sanctify himself, the very link, of another person, to empty himself, to put himself in the hands of another person, and not to master it. As it is sometimes said: "You will still be mine!" But from God's point of view it reminds the wars of Artaxerxes, who was eager to take possession of Greece.

One has only to hear such words, we are horrified. What does it mean that you will master me? Are you going to destroy me? And God does not say that he is going to take possession of us. He gave us life, gave Himself for food, gave us His Body and Blood, that we ate and drank to receive Him into ourselves and were alive. This is love - to give yourself to another, so that he will live by you. How did Christ do this. "I came that they might have life and have it abundantly" (John 10: 10). I came into the world to give youself food and drink, so that you would live, and not just live, but have a life of abundant. That you abound in life. "

This is Love. This is the Cross of Christ, it is a cross-connection that happens to a person with another, when he realizes on what soil he has risen to build this connection. And then a person can feel that his life goes in a sacred way: the other person is consecrated, the body of the other is sanctified, and their connection is not something accidental.

In Limassol, there was a conference on biomedical ethics, and one esteemed teacher acted on it, which just said that the doctor should look at the other as something sacred, including his body and condition. You can not approach the patient and tear off the sheet from him when he lies underneath her naked, and around 50 students or trainees. The doctor must learn to respect the patient, and when one has to examine someone, then only to expose that part of his body that needs to be examined, rather than undressing him completely, so that the person finds himself in what the mother gave birth to. Well, he's shy! Would the doctor like it if they did the same thing? Let's put him on the bed and see if he'll like it if we call a five or six neighbor here? That is, even if you are a doctor, you need to have a sense of a person's sacredness.

I'll tell you something from the practice of burial. When a priest dies (and a simple Christian too, but we are talking about priests now), when the priest's body is disguised and prepared for burial, this should be done only by priests, no one else is allowed to do this. The same is true with monks. In "Evhologii" [1] it is written that it is not permissible to look at the naked body of a monk [2].

When you need to change it, you need to do this with all reverence, as described in the following method, and do not strip it entirely. Not because the naked body was bad, no, it's not bad, God made us so, but our passions are evil; the body is not evil, and we do not have such bodily members that would be sinful, and others - sacred. All the members of a person are holy, the whole person is baptized, we receive Christ's Body and Blood, and the whole person is sanctified. The Lord died on the Cross for the whole world in order to manifest His full humility, that for us He endured everything and was not ashamed to hang naked on the Cross, dying for peace.

A person can do this to himself, but not to another. Even if you are a doctor, even if there is a corpse in front of you, a dead person, you can not treat the body of another unrehearsed.

Similarly, when a priest dies, he is clothed in priestly vestments, and we monks also store clothes in which they vowed to Christ, their schema, that we will remain faithful to Christ's love until death. And we keep them for the mortal hour. Preparing, our funeral clothes are ready.

Do you remember, children, that our grandmothers kept them too? Have you caught such grandmothers yet? What did they store? Remember what they stored? His wedding dress. Not white, but the one worn on the second day, after all the wedding lasted for many days. Then everything did not end with the fact that you will receive an envelope with money, and on the next day the newlyweds will begin to suffer, because the parents sit down to count money and look how much this one gave as the one gave it.

Recently we had one divorce, and the reason why it came to him was that on the day after the wedding, when they began to count money, on the one hand they said:

- Our friends gave more money!

- No, our friends are more! - Have responded with another.

So the dispute began, and within one week the marriage broke up.

Grandma's wedding clothes were stored to lie in her in the coffin. This showed that marriage sacralen

People kept their wedding clothes worn on the second day of the wedding, they were lying in it in a coffin, and together with her they took with themselves marriage crowns. That is, what they were crowned with, they took with them to show fidelity, sacredness, serious attitude that they had to Braque: he was absolutely sacred to them.

I remember now and as if I see my grandmother before me. She, when she was already an old woman, opened a large chest of drawers, which she crossed before she opened it; she did not open it just like this: bang! And opened it. There she kept all her valuables, which she kept, and from them the chest smelled. And then she pulled out a dress, a blue dress, and says:

"This is the dress you will wear to me when I die!"

She took care of him. I once again put it on to see if it was at the time, whether it was necessary to adjust where to stop people from being tormented at the last hour, called the tailor, so that she also looked at him, and everything was ready, crowns, everything. What a good attitude, children, how human it is!

When everything is built on God's blessing, then the person has a healthy mindset and in relation to what he does and what he says to another person. I think this is the right attitude to the Sacrament of Marriage and is the best thing a person can do to ensure that his marriage is strong. Conversations with parents are also useful, as well as with psychologists, that is, with those people who will teach us to communicate among themselves: what else should I tell you, and how should you answer it, what should we talk to each other. Unfortunately, now it is necessary for us, and how tragic that we have to turn to specialists to learn how to talk with our own wife and husband so that we know what to tell and how to respond when we return home. And we pay 500 lira for a six-month "course" [3], so this is what we call now.

I remember one grandmother who came to the temple and said:

"Is the priest here?"

- No. He is not!

- Anyway [4] will come another time!

It was so funny.

Yes, learn to first talk with your wife, with your children, and then talk to the Internet!

So, a six-month course to learn how to communicate. This is a modern man. He can communicate on the Internet, through e-mail, he can go where he wants, find out everything he wants, but he can not communicate with his wife and children. Yes, learn to talk to your wife first, and then talk to the Internet! Learn, my son, before talking with your wife, with your children, learn this simple matter, this human communication - the simplest thing. And then communicate with others. This is also not prohibited. But what's wrong is that we do not understand that we lost a person. In this turmoil in which we live, we lost a person, lost the most simple human skills.

Of course, if the parent leaves in the morning, and returns at night, when the child is already sleeping, he lost the child. When will you see your child when you feel this baby presence when you watch him grow from the moment of his birth, if you leave at seven in the morning and return at eight in the evening when the child is already asleep? Or waiting for you in the chair to look at you and go to sleep. And in the morning the same.

So you have lost such an opportunity. And why? Because I have to work, make money. A good thing is money, but when you make money, two cars, stocks, you will already lose your children. And you will understand that I lost the most important thing. It would be better if you did not have everything, but there would be these serious and important things that make up not human life, but something. Not to mention spiritual things, that is, about the connection that people have with God. But we should at least be people, not to mention anything else.

Unfortunately, savagery is no longer a feature of wild tribes living in the jungle, if any remain. It is already a symptom of our society. And it's tragic, children. The most tragic thing is to see spouses who can not communicate with each other. Unfortunately, I often come across this when the spouses come with such problems. You tell them:

- Come on, children, it's so easy - to communicate!

And in response nothing. And because of any little things there is an explosion.

This is a painful condition where no ends are seen, that is, one that needs to be healed. Standing, watching them and do not know where to put a bandage, what to heal and what to do.

All this is the fruit of our mentality, we pay for it. Unfortunately, we learned so much, we were taught that way. And the fault lies with the Church, she is also responsible, because she did not properly tell people about her truth, but limited herself to informing them. We are to blame, because they lost their essence.

(Ending should be.)


[1] Euchologia is a collection of prayers intended for priests.

[2] "If any one leaves the monks from the monks to the Lord, it is not proper for him to be washed by his body; below, he sees himself naked; in this, the monk, executed by his lip, wipes off his relics with warm water, creating before him a cross on his forehead, who died on persecution, on his hands, and on his feet, and on his knees, even more vile. Then he brings a clean robe, and clotches it, which was removed first of all, without any nakedness seeing it; and afterwards veneer him, puts him on the doll. Even though there is a great image, having hung a helmet over the head, and dangling and even to the brad, as if he had not seen the face of his relics "(Follow the original monks).

[3] Course - course.

[4] Anyway - in any case.

Metropolitan of Africa, Athanasius of Limassol
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