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... Praying ...

Today I stood at the evening liturgy in the church and prayed. I prayed and looked at the icons, and with some I seemed to be talking. And suddenly at some point, while continuing to pray, I thought, what am I doing here? No, not in the temple, but in life. In the light of this. Why am I still here? Does not God see that I have lived so many years? Does not God see that everything was in my life, and now there is nothing else? Does not God see that I'm tired of being hurtThere is nothing? 

In my life, in turn, for a long time, joy, fun, learning time, grief, sadness, pain, anger, hatred, hopes and disappointments, first love, and then more Love, but not the first ... Does not God see that all this was and all this has passed? 

Does God now hear me, my thoughts? If he hears, then why does he not see that the devastated body has become a burden to my soul? That the soul has left everything that only could leave and it is easy to flit out of the body and fly to heaven or hell, no matter what, decide on which shelf to lie and wait for its fate ...

I stood and prayed, but I kept thinking about this and did not understand ...

Everything is so simple and obvious, my time is over, my destination is running out, but why does not God see it? I prayed and very much hoped that he hears my thoughts and that He will understand them and take them as the words of his son as a request ...

Once God filled my body with the soul, and the soul with feelings and emotions, like an empty bowl of sweet strong wine ... Time passed and the soul was emptied, wasted, the body lost its strength, and the soul of sweetness and bitterness. Something just fizzled out over time. It became empty and unnecessary ... Everything passed, everything was gone, and even the last late love dissolved with the last emotions somewhere in the night twilight of life ...

God, do you hear me? I stand in the temple, I pray and think about all this sincerely and with an easy heart, maybe it's time? 

I did not build a house and planted a tree, they do not even love me anymore ...

Tell God, what am I still doing here?

Forgive me Lord, maybe for a stupid question.


A source: CypLIVE