If the wheat grain, having fallen into the ground,
Will not die, then there will be one
(In. 12: 24)
About the first way of salvation - monastic - monks should write, and they do it. About the second way - family life - said a lot, and I believe that they will say even more. It is wonderful. "Every frog praises his bog," and so, a real monk will praise and praise monasticism, and a happy man in his family life will pull a blanket upon himself-he will tell of his joys and sorrows, his labors and victories. As they say, to each his own.
But there are among us those who could not get married, and before the monastic life clearly does not hold out - there are not enough spiritual strengths. And today my word to them is celibate and lonely. And among these are the majority of women. Muzhikov instructed last time. Briefly summarize and remind: "Husbands, love your wives" (Eph. 5: 25) and will be close to the Kingdom of Heaven. Wives are waiting for men's attention and your sweet words! Enough to drink beer and spend hours at the computer, spend the weekend in the gyms or with friends in the baths to discuss football matches. Take care of the main thing of life - caring for the family and raising children. Do not turn your spouse into a "straw widow" with a living husband. A woman needs her husband, the father of her children, the breadwinner and the keeper of her home and hearth.
And if the woman is left alone, how can she live so that she does not get sucked into antidepressants, and not to cry at night, buried in a pillow? The problem of female loneliness was always. There were times worse, for example after the war. M. Sholokhov in his novel "Quiet Flows the Don" describes the inner heartache and heartache of a woman who lost her husband at war:
"Rvy, darling, on itself the gates of the last shirt ... bite your blooded lips in the blood, break the mutilated hands ... There is no master at your house, you do not have a husband, your children have a father, and remember that no one will caress you, Nor your orphans, no one will save you from overwork and poverty, no one will press your head to your breast at night, when you fall, crushed by fatigue, and no one will tell you how once he said: "Do not worry, Aniska! Let's live! "".
No matter how hard it was for the soldiers' widows, they still experienced, albeit for a short time, the joy of family and motherhood. But today the situation is completely different: not only a woman, but a young beautiful girl is often of no use to anyone. We need it more precisely, but only for sin, to use it, we wiped our feet and threw it out like a homeless dog.
Before my eyes, in our temple, about 10 interesting, educated, pretty girls grew up. They are all different, among them are candidates of science and graduates of conservatories, with their housing and good work, philologists and lawyers, self-confident Muscovites and "black-browed Cossacks", blondes and brunettes. But with such a diversity of differences, they share a common sad denominator - loneliness. It is clear that these are already full-grown brides. I constantly communicate with them, and always in their eyes I see the unquenchable desire of any woman to have a family, and the question often flies from the language: "Why am I still alone?"
Before marriage, any normal girl dreams of her prince on a white horse and fantasizes about the theme of family happiness. And, of course, it believes in it. "Blessed is he who believes: it is warm to him in the world ..." But our life is different, and something not often the girlish idylls are performed in practice. I would like to tell about this side of marriage unmarried and lonely. Believe, my dear, that not everything you know about family happiness. Any priest will say that many girls roar at the analogue in search of the groom, but even those who have got married are even more crying, but they could not catch a wonderful firebird named "happy family": she flipped out of her hands, leaving only her pen - as a reminder of unrealizable dreams and dreams. Perhaps, he saved you, unmarried, the Lord from great sorrows and tears, did not allow to drink a terrible cup of adultery or indifference of children to their own mother. Of course, thousands of voices will immediately appeal to me: "After all, not all have such sorrows! There are happy people in marriage. " Yes, of course, there is, and by the grace of God I am one of them. Do you want to become happy married women? Then we turn to the components of family happiness, which not everyone knows. In a word, we will open the "underside" of family life.
A woman should give birth to all the children that God will bless and conceive. EVERYBODY!
Let's start with the most important thing: a woman should give birth to all the children whom God will bless and conceive. It is in conscience and in the spirit of the gospel. Not three or even five, but ALL. This attitude is serious, the Christian one - to reject oneself and give up the family and children to the end. After all, the wife is saved by childbearing. Are you ready for this? Do you want that? But what if it does not work out, and disappointment will come? "All happy families are happy equally" - these words begin LN's novel. Tolstoy "Anna Karenina", translated into most languages of the world. I carefully read this work twice, and leafed through dozens of times. By the right I consider him a textbook of family life. So, the initial phrase became a winged phrase, when the family life of Darya Alexandrovna (Dolly) and her husband Stiva Oblonsky is described. She really loves her husband, but he pays for love and betrayal for love. But Dolly still gives birth to him, honestly, conscientiously fulfilling his female, maternal duty. They have 6 live, and still died in infancy. But at what price is she given the joy of motherhood? She reflects on this, thinking about her conversation at the inn with a beautiful "young woman", which "God untied" by the death of the child. Recollecting her married life - 15 years, lived in marriage, Dolly envied the free and uncomplicated life of this young beauty. "What was in my life? Pregnancy, nausea, dullness of mind, indifference to everything and, most importantly, disgrace ... Birth, suffering, ugly suffering, this last minute ... then feeding, these sleepless nights, these pains are terrible ... Then the children's illnesses, this fear is eternal; then upbringing, disgusting childish inclinations, learning ... And above all - the death of these same children. "
Note the important difference between the past and our time in relation to procreation. 100 years ago, many children were not only peasant, but also families of royalty. Let us remember the kind words of the family and all five children of our last Emperor. Then it was not possible to give birth. Gave birth to all. What is the conclusion? On the general background, the feat of having many children was universal and therefore not so bright. What now? First, the whole industry is working on a project called "safe sex." Our teenagers using the Internet know what I did not know in 25 years. Modern non-religious parents willingly share their rich experience of protection when their children ask about it. Enlightenment in the sphere of prodigal sin has achieved phenomenal success, the demand for products protecting against pregnancy is growing every year. Revenues from the porn industry and the production of contraceptives are comparable to drug trafficking and the sale of weapons. In a word, the long-cherished goal was achieved for many: "Fornicate - and not give birth".
To give birth to all children today means to go against general misunderstanding, to become a talk of the town
Secondly, today to give birth to all children means to go against general misunderstanding. Become a talk of the town, the center of idle curiosity. Not only strangers and distant people, but also their own, even the most loved ones. How many mothers led their stupid girls to abortion! I know many examples. I remember the bewilderment and strange looks of people when my mother and I were walking down the street with our first four children ... The eldest was then ... 2,5 years. And when they became our 7, then, when entering the whole family with a large family, we often heard a question that offended all of us: "Is this all your children ?!"
Having given birth to all children, the family will certainly face many difficulties. In the first place is the housing problem. In our family, it is solved, probably because I am a priest. And what is it like living with six children in a Moscow "kopeck piece"? All preferential programs are curtailed, and house prices are still unapproachable. In a word, there are no prospects. And are you, dear ladies, ready to live with your mother-in-law or a young sister-in-law? I'm scared to introduce two women in one common kitchen.
Constantly you hear about the lack of funds in families with two children and two working parents. And if a family in 7-8 contains a single breadwinner, how can they live? A working young single woman fully provides herself and her needs. In a marriage - not so. When a wife is in a decree, she needs to constantly resign herself to her husband in order to get money for expenses. He's a breadwinner, and you're a spender, let him be your favorite, but a constant beggar. How do you like this prospect?
Modern children are sick a lot, we had it almost constantly. And this means a year of "ragged" sleep for one child, sometimes not more than 4-5 hours per day. Now multiply the year by 6 or 7. For the experiment: try to get up at night every 2 hours. And so within a week, and preferably two, and in the daytime - not to sleep, but to do business. Something does not want anyone ...
And children should be educated, churched, taught music and foreign languages, and later - delayed from computers and social networks. And this, I will say from experience, is the most ungrateful work. Who is ready for this?
And do you know, dear girls, about the monotony of everyday life of a large family? It would seem that today everything is at hand: diapers and washing machines, ready-made infant formulas and tablets with stupid cartoons that cover the mouth of screaming children. And anyway, any young mother says that it is the hardest for everyone. The household problem really exists. She put many women into "psychotropic", made irritable and hysterical. Many do not want to go home to this hateful kitchen with unwashed dishes and to the bathroom with a bunch of dirty laundry. A modern woman mother is waiting for the end of the decree to go to work. After all, there, let's be honest to the end, her salvation. I state from experience: many women stay at home - flour. This is not static. Female work around the house is the most ungrateful, nobody sees it, everyone just demands, you will never hear a kind and affectionate word for it. And most importantly - this work has no end and no end. For many years it will be necessary to prepare food, wash dishes, wash and clean up the house. Are you ready for this?
You, dear girls, will not have the opportunity to monitor yourself - for their appearance, figure, clothing. An ordinary mother of many children often looks at the slender and well-groomed women, especially the rich, with sadness ... But they do not leave the spa salons and fitness clubs. Any woman this logic is unconvincing, because everyone wants to be beautiful and slender. But children this beauty and harmony very quickly will reduce to zero, and the husband about it necessarily time and again will remind.
It is impossible to think that in these works the good relations with the husband will be adjusted by themselves. Everyone has different ways. If there is mutual understanding, it is the merit and work of both spouses. It happens that fathers with many children are suspended from general labors, go into "computer life", relax behind a pile of alcohol. They linger at work, rarely call home, irritably give their wives the contents of their wallet ... How then should a woman feel happy?
And what is a visit to worship with young children? This you need to pray and listen to the sermon, and they need to cry loudly and run around the temple - in short, to plague the parents. I always sympathize with my fathers and mothers with many children, when I see them in the temple with the kids. They will have to forget for a long time about attentive prayer and close communication with the confessor. So who is not yet married - appreciate your freedom, enjoy church services, communicate with the priests more, make pilgrimages, read interesting books and articles on the portal of Orthodoxy.Ru. In marriage, all this will be your cherished dream.
Family life is a great effort and feats. True, not always and not all of them
Probably, it's time to sum up our conversation. I did not have a purpose to frighten someone, put them into despair and dissuade them from getting married. I just honestly told (only to a small extent!) About the work in the Christian family. My word, as always, is addressed to people honest and sincere. To those who do not run from their Cross, but wants to bear it worthily. Probably, we hear more about monastic exploits and labors, but, believe me, they are no less in family life. They are just different, not like gold coins, but silver ones.
Let me remind you that my interlocutors were lonely people today. It's not easy for them in life, I know. But let them learn how to live in the family. I remember how my classmate at the academy came to visit us with my mother one day. Seeing the hanging diapers, sitting on the pot of the child and dirty dishes in the kitchen, he pointedly said: "That's it ... Oh, probably, not for me." He became a priest, never married.
We conclude our conversation with the words of the apostle Paul, addressed to those who wish to create a family: "If you marry, you do not sin; And if the damsel is to be married, she will not sin. But they shall have affliction in the flesh; But I'm sorry for you "(1 Corp. 7: 28). You see, dear girls: the apostle himself pities the family people, knowing how difficult it is for them to live. So, maybe in your life it's not that bad either? The main thing is not to lose courage and, in spite of everything, to love the life that the Lord has blessed us with.
If this article supported lonely people - I am very happy. And if she upset you and made you sad, then be sure to wait for the conversation to begin. In the second part I promise to encourage and console all the lonely. Believe me: you, like the apostle Paul, are also sorry for you. See you soon.
(To be continued.)