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30.03.2018

Difficult people close to us

In your metropolia with the performance I am for the first time. Last time I was here in 2000-th year, a year after ordination. Then I spent several days in the monastery of the Prophet Elijah. I did not call Prevez myself before. I really liked it, nature is now, in spring, beautiful! Dear, I thanked God for honoring me to get to these places, and also GPS, which unerringly brought me to you. It's a great thing! He tells you: turn around, and you get where you want. Is this not the case in our lives? It is enough to obey.

One man was driving, his mother was sitting next to him. GPS led, he listened, and where GPS pointed, turned and turned. It made a huge impression on my mother: "Everything she says to you, you listen! Only you do not listen to me! "

So, I did a long journey not to tell you about something that you do not know. Much of what I tell you, you know. As we repeat at the Divine Liturgy, "Let us pray for peace and pity to the Lord." And today we "packs and packs" will talk, think, remember. Because a person suffers, according to the word of Philokalia, from "oblivion", he forgets. We forget what we know. And I did not come to you to say something wise to you, which you do not know, but to warm your souls a little, and you decided to continue life further. And I'm glad that most of you are young couples, you have families, children (those who do not yet, do not be disappointed)!

As I said to a girl: "You did not marry an angel. And you yourself are not an angel, either. " This is the topic of our conversation: difficult people are near.

Difficult people: in Athens and not only

One friend in Athens advised me: "Do not forget to tell them that difficult people are ourselves." And they ask me: "Well, tell us about this difficult man who torments me, an angel!" In reality, difficult people - ourselves (I'm not talking about you, but about those I know in Athens, it's different here, okay "Whatever I say, no matter how negative a case may be, I'm not talking about you, I do not know you).

So, difficult people - we ourselves. And a very important issue of life is success in harmonious relations. When you have an equal relationship in marriage, at work, in the church (this is important for us, priests) - where most of life passes, is a great blessing. Because at work you spend about 8 hours, at home - all the rest of the time, and if the relationship develops well, then your whole life is beautiful.

"My Alyonka is waiting for me at home"

From the morning until now you have met people. These people either pleased you, or upset you. Everything comes from people. Life with people and our relationships with them bring us either joy and happiness, or cause pressure, depression, illness, anguish, etc. The one who has good relations in the family and is "light", that is, even (this I mean by "light ") The character next door, inserts the key into the door of his apartment and says:" Thank God I'm at home! " How good! "Another told me about his beloved wife:" I go home, and there's my Alenka waiting for me. " He is glad that he returns home, because this Alyonka, his wife, has managed to create to him such an atmosphere that his soul rests and calms down. "It's good that I married her," he says, "we live in the soul. There are difficulties, but everything is fine with us: we approach each other, communicate, etc. ".

When the next difficult character, life is excruciating

When a number of difficult character, life is painful. You repent of so many things that you do, life is not easy, headaches, migraines, abdominal pain, insomnia, you tossed from side to side on the bed, you can not ... And why? Because the people who are near, torment you with their character. And this is very serious! As one said to me: "I get tired of work, but I get tired and at home from the person I live with. We can not communicate. Do you know how to spend two days with 24 for two days? With a man with whom you can not find a common language! So on Monday, on the one hand, I do not feel like going to work, but on the other hand, I feel like a bird that flies out of the cage - it broke loose and flies. I'm sad that I'll get tired again, but I'm glad that I'm running away from complicated relationships. "

Marriage is a wonderful thing. It is enough that a person can co-exist with another person and that these two people have characters that can be adjusted to each other. Not the same, but such as to arise, as we say "chemistry" in the good sense of the word between them, and that they can communicate. Otherwise it's difficult.

Why did I marry him?

Why is there a person next to me who makes my life so hard?

Why does God allow, and difficult people exist next to us? Why does the other torment me? Why is there a person next to me who makes my life so hard? One woman shared with me: "My husband turns my life into a scooter. Why does God allow, and I must endure all this? Why did I marry him, and God did not open my eyes then? "The answer is simple: there is nothing accidental. What happens is by the will of God and for a good purpose. This is not punishment, but wisdom. This is not always pleasant, but always useful. And something good will certainly come out as a result. It is no accident that this woman was next to you, and this "difficult" man is next to you.

Sometimes you yourself wanted it. Father Paisii, the new saint of our Church, told us how he met a woman in Thessaloniki who was grieving over her marriage. Her husband was a sailor. Six months he spent in swimming, half a year - at home. And she lamented: "Well, what is it! We can not communicate, we rarely see each other, I do not feel married to a woman. Sometimes I feel that I am alone, sometimes - that I have a husband. " And the elder Paisii says: "It's no coincidence. Whatever happens to us, there is a reason. Did not you yourself want to become a nun? "She was shocked. She remembered how, at 19-20, she was thinking of going to a monastery (now she was 42). "Yes," she says to him, "I wanted to, but changed my mind, it seemed difficult, I decided to get married, have children, create a family and so enjoy life. I got married, but once I really wanted to be a monk. " "See, the Lord has done what?" You found such a husband who has been with you for six months, and you've been living for six months as a nun, which she dreamed of! What you complain about to God is actually His answer to your youthful prayer. "

Perhaps, you yourself, not even remembering that, prayed in youth and said: "Lord, help me to go to heaven!" And the Lord took your words seriously. And what did he do? I sent you this man - this wife, this husband. God's response to your prayer was to put such a character close to you. Through him, through this difficult person, you will get to paradise. And not at all through the one you are dreaming about now, with whom you compare it, not through that foreigner you are looking at. And through the one you have around.

In paradise not enter, sitting in the couch

One person prayed in the church before the icon of Christ: "Lord, I want You to help me to get patience and not get irritated! The Lord answered him: "I will help you." He was happy - the question was solved. He goes home joyful, and in his parking lot another park is parked - he begins to boil. Well, I found another place - parked. He enters the house, and his wife has prepared for him the only dish he did not want - okra pods! And then the little boy comes up to him and shows his marks, he got 8 (and his father waited for 20). He almost went crazy! Goes back to church and tells Christ: "We with You, probably, did not understand each other. You promised to help me learn patience and not get irritated! But yesterday ... You promised one thing, but gave something quite different. " And Christ says: "But it was My answer to you. How will you learn how not to get irritated, if in your life there will not be such events that will teach you this ?! "

A car parked in your place, a child who brought bad marks from school, unwanted food, a difficult wife - life's obstacles and difficult people alongside help us achieve what we call holiness, derive from us the "quality of our soul" - kindness, beauty, talents. And how they come to the surface otherwise? If you sit on the couch, and life will flow aside, quietly and measuredly?

Pebbles are polished sharp stones

In "Ladder" there is a wonderful episode of pebbles on the beach, played by children, they throw them. These stones were once solid, acute, rough stones that, from frequent contact with the wave and with each other, were polished, took on a beautiful shape, and now you admire them, and some even paint them. Your character must also be polished and softened through the one who is next to you, through a difficult person. If you are easy, then a difficult person will not bother you very much. Just know what's going on? I am a difficult person, you are a difficult person, our difficulties are encountered. We flare up and get irritated by others. Although not others are to blame, but you yourself have a problem.

One woman at the time of the attack of sincerity (the women, when they are sincere, amaze!) Says to me: "Father, much of what's going on in our house depends on me. If I'm all right, everything is fine. If I have problems - with nerves, my own problems, hormonal, psychological, etc., - let no one approach me! No one! And no one touches! "

Tormentor or benefactor?


Reverend Abba Dorofey

And in St. Dorotheus, the neighbor, of whom you say that he is guilty, takes you out of yourself, spoils your life, - this fellow really knows who? Do you know what he calls him? A benefactor! Because it helps you to get out of yourself and become clear what you hide in yourself. What a difficult you yourself, what kind of nerves you have (otherwise you would not have shown them)! And if you have strong nerves, no matter what happens next, it will not make you angry. As when you are very happy, for example, on your wedding day, whatever you say, you are only happy, and all problems are dissolved in the ocean of this joy, and no one can embarrass you. But when you yourself have a problem, maybe this is a long-standing problem, an internal irritation - then you break out and fall on the other. It makes you even worse.

I do not know if you remember the story from Paterik about a monk who gave his soul to God, and others gathered around him? There was also one who was sulking to us during his life: he poured out slops near his cell, left his clothes for several days to roast in the scorching sun, offended, slandered, etc. And when the dying monk saw the offender, the one who did his life very much He said: "Father, give me your hand!" He held out his hand to him, the dying kissed her and said: "I want to thank you, because if now I have the hope of seeing God, I owe this to you." He was shocked: "I made your life so difficult! I really tormented you, I'm sorry! "-" No, Father, do not worry! All that you did was allowed by God. It was for my own good. Do you remember the day when you poured a trash can near my door? That day I went inside and almost burst from my selfishness, but then I cried before the Lord - so you taught me to cry. I thank you for that. Do you remember the other time you slandered me? And he taught me to forgive. You taught me to pray. Without you I would not know what a real prayer is! The difficulties of your character have served me well. You are my benefactor! "

Do not look for the guilty, but to save the family

If you want, you will benefit from everything your neighbors do to you

If you want, you will benefit from everything your neighbors do to you. If you are doing well (in your mind, in your soul, you are firmly on the path of faith), no one will bother you. So it was with Christ: He communicated with everyone - strange, peculiar, sinful - and Himself from them did not suffer any harm. Not because He was God, but because He Himself was an ocean of peace, silence, bliss. He was not bothered by anything. And we are concerned about everything. All of us are concerned.

When I see people who are satisfied and satisfied with their lives, I want to kiss their hand. The majority of those whom I met have complaints about something, they are always worried about something, they do not like something. The sun is shining. They: "Uf, you can die from the heat - and well, weather!" Clouds in the sky. They: "Now everything will rot and become moldy from this humidity and dampness!" Movement on the road, or no cars - everything is wrong for them!

One parishioner went to the altar during the service to stay with me one on one and say something about his wife. I knew about this and said: "Well, what happened? I must now pronounce an ectenium ... ". "Father, I do not know what to do. Whatever I did at home, I'm always to blame! "Of course, not only women do so, but you yourself know how things stand in families ... The conversation ends, one lady comes up to me:" Why are you always talking about us you say? "-" And whom should I talk about? " I answer your questions! "-" Is it really not my husband's fault? "-" Of course, it's my fault. But it often takes a lot more! "Our goal is not to find the guilty, but to save the family, to save the marriage!

Marry not at the church, marry the submissive

We are all church people, the question is, but God recognizes Christians in us?

A young man comes to me: "I want to marry a girl, but she is not very ecclesiastical." I will not hide it, I sighed with relief. But aloud I say: "What do you mean? Is it not Orthodox? "-" Orthodox. But she does not spend all the resurrections in the church, for her there are other activities. " I ask: "Is she a good person?" - "Yes, otherwise she is a very good girl." - "Give me an example so that I understand better what it is!" - "We were going to the cinema, then I became sick, I say: I do not want to go to the cinema, we'd rather stay in a cafe." She: "Let's go, the main thing is that we are together." Another time they were going to dinner for my mother, at the last moment my mother moved on early, and she came earlier. An easygoing person, "he says," without fads. " "This is a wonderful girl! Marry her! "He again for his:" She is not very ecclesiastical. " "Marry," I say, "of such girls as you described to me, I have not met in the Church!"

Indeed, we create problems from everything. What does "church man" mean? Ok, we are all church people here, the question is, but God Himself recognizes Christians in us? Will he understand that we are His people?

How old are you in the Church?

How old are you in the Church? Some of them since childhood, but still teach the letter "a". What have you been doing for so many years in the Church? Do you work on your character - have you become better, kinder, more accommodating? Or, over time, has become harder, more demanding, more assertive, more nervous, selfish, strange? If I answered this question, I would say: I have become a more problematic person.

And what a pity, when the children talk about their parents: "My mother goes to church, father, father sometimes, but they do not go, I do not see much difference in their behavior at home, and they are not very happy. Always grumbling, always upset and dull. " How so? They partake and do not smile, do not rejoice!

Character requires work, inner struggle, attempts to restrain oneself

One woman tells me: "Now the Great Lent, father." And her husband retorts: "It was the same at Easter." What does "Great Lent" mean - cry at home? You're married! A man married or married, having children, can not have a character so heavy, grumpy, intractable, difficult for mutual communication.

If you are reminded of something that we are talking about, think about why we are like that? We should learn what is called self-knowledge in the Church. Sometimes we talk, a man wags his hand and says: "All right, God willed everything, I will correct myself." How will you correct yourself? If you do not conduct internal work, the difficult character will not change. And you will not change.

One of my friends on the Holy Mountain (a friend - 85 years!), A wonderful father, says: "Eh, father, nothing has changed since I came to the Holy Mountain. I was stubborn, I continue to stay with them. Was an egoist. So he stayed. You do not change just because you came to the Holy Mountain. " The character requires personal work, inner struggle, attempts to restrain oneself and see who is really to blame!

A child is not a lightning rod!

You can not always break down on a child when you have problems with your husband or with your wife. And we are frustrated with children, they are our lightning rod, and we bring down our nerves, our claims, our tension. The 30 woman tells me with something for years: "I'm barely alive! These three brought me to a white heat! "And she has three kids, three angels. They are normal children - joyful, mobile. "They," he says, "play on my nerves." Playing on the nerves? But your nerves, not theirs. Children are an excuse. Everyone we accuse of is not to blame. Blame the one we do not call.

When a husband and wife quarrel over shirts that are not washed, because of socks that are not ready, because of food that is not salted or salted, the truth is not this, and the real problem is not this. She is on. We do not discuss it. We do not talk about how we feel.

Criticism calls for protection

A woman is not easily told her husband: "I'm lonely. For a year already, as we did not go out together to walk, sit and eat ice cream, did not go to anyone's house. " She does not say that. Instead, he begins to criticize, criticize, criticize.

But when you criticize another, this is the worst way to solve the problem. What causes criticism? Counteraction and protection. It's like a hedgehog who puts out his thorns. What for? To defend yourself. When you talk to your husband or wife abruptly, hurt or avoid him, what does he or she do in response? He attacks you and shows all his anger to defend himself. If the wife or husband says: "I miss you", the other will feel that it is not worthy of how she (or he) behaves with him (or her). Feels bitterness. And not criticism. This will be a humble acceptance of the problem. If I say that I am upset by the way you talk to me, I do not offend you, I'm talking about myself. So characters get attached. So it's worth discussing those topics that we usually do not talk about.

"And I'm silent"

We insist. For many men and women, stubbornness lasts for days or even years. A friend said to me: "My wife, when annoyed, does not talk for four - five days with me. This is her system. This is her character: four or five days. " I did not understand, I did not believe him: "What do you mean?" - "What I told you." Comes home, cooks, feeds children. Imposes me food, but does not say a word - character! This silence shows something, it talks about specific things about which the wife is silent. She speaks through silence. And the other is suffering.

Once a woman came to Confession: "We are on the verge of a divorce, we both have heavy characters." I ask: "What happened?" - "House nightmare". "What did you do?" - I ask. "Nothing, I'm silent." I think: "Holy woman." Her husband comes up: "She has not spoken to me for three days, so she avenges me." Then I ask my wife: "Why are you so behaving with your husband, do not you talk to him?" She replies: "I do not want to give him the will and to humble himself before him." The marriage between two people with difficult characters leads to a struggle - who will win over the other, who will outstrip the other? And in the Church during the wedding, the priest joins your hands, as if saying: "Then go together hand in hand."

Heavy character - only a showcase

I do not scold you, but let's look in ourselves and see these murderous feelings of antipathy, jealousy, evil - everything that comes out of us - and gradually overcome them in ourselves.

"My husband is so angry, my father," said one parishioner, "it's hard to believe in this, but when he gets angry, he screams, and the whole house hears us. Recently we installed good glass, and it's gotten a little better with neighbors in front, but our whole house hears these scenes. " And I remember Father Porfiry, who writes: "When it seems to you that someone has a bad temper, know that this is only a showcase behind which very good things are hidden." You just have not seen them yet. And for shouts, nerves, abuse can hide a very hurt soul. "Whoever screams, do you know what he's doing?" Asks the old man. "He suffers." "Where does he suffer?" He yells! "-" Leave him, let him yell. If you're right, you're not hysterical! If you are hysterical, it means that something strangles you, from this you suffer and you scream. When you see this, husband or wife, say to yourself: be patient, my loved one is suffering. Let him let out a little steam. Let him speak out. Where, who else can he say this ?! He can tell me this. " Do you understand? But during a flash of anger, we forget about it. And we say: Look, what an egoist, what a bastard. He's not a bastard. How many years I confess, I have not seen a bad person who, for his own badness, would not hide a very vulnerable soul. It made a great impression on me!

I have been teaching at the Lyceum for 20 for years, and I have not seen a child as "problem", undisciplined, who beats glasses and steals, and who at the same time is not very, very sensitive at heart. Immediately it is invisible. You need to talk a little with him, understand why he does what he does. So, a child who laughed very much in the classroom for no reason, over trifles, concealed behind this his youthful depression. Another, intelligent in everything, in his soul felt great loneliness. The third, who did not teach lessons and came unprepared for show, parents constantly cursed at home and were on the verge of divorce. So we saw one thing, and the children behind this hid the other. The same happens in all human relationships.

We are all at heart frightened, unprotected and lonely people

If your neighbor makes your life difficult, and you look at his story - his mother, his father, how he grew up, how they talked with him in his childhood - do you know what you will experience? You will love him more. You will fall in love with him. Your husband, of whom you say that he is so-and-so, and he had a mother who did not give him what he expected of her. And the wife, whom you call wondrous, hysterical, etc., had a father and mother who pounded at her: "You're worthless! Inutile! Nothing will come of you! Nobody will take you as a wife ... ». Is this what it all led to? It hurt her soul (or his soul). And if something reminds him of that story, it immediately creates a threat, a fear in the soul. We are all at heart frightened, unprotected and lonely people.

And monks, and married, and unmarried are in a great measure lonely. We are very often single and married. One day a woman told me: "My husband is asleep, and I'm crying. I'll wait till he falls asleep, take a pillow, cover my head so that no one can hear me, and cry. If I could describe to you how many pillows I wet with my tears! "I say:" Why do not you talk to your husband ?! "Okay, I, yes, I have my problems, my loneliness, my character, my difficulties. .. But she is married! In the car, dear, I listened to a song in which it was said: "I pressed you to myself, but between us kilometers" ... I was struck by this phrase! We are together, but we are alone. Even if we have characters that are complaisant and even.

Say compliments to death

The day will come, and we will leave the earthly life. And this person, who, as you say, makes your life difficult, will move to a different world. What will happen then? Cry. And remorse. And poetry. And beautiful funeral speeches that "you were so-and-so," and other incredible words. As long as we live, we skimp on good words, for encouragement, as soon as we die ... our professor at the university somehow quoted a couplet as a dead man's complaint: "Ah, if I were alive, and everyone would have" cried "about me! "These sweet words had to be told me when I was alive, and not now. Talk to difficult people who are near you, kindly, show them the good side of your soul.

Do you know what your husbands tell us, priests? What are you doing, Father, that she loves you so much ?! Women love priests. Why? Because the priest exposes the best part of his soul to others - that's the secret. Second: the priest does not scold, the priest - he is like an embrace, he forgives, accepts, and the soul of a woman (or man) softens. I once said to a woman: "You talk to your husband as you do to me!" She brought me "spanakopita" (Greek pie with spinach - AN). And I say: "Ah, what a delicious spaknakapita!" - "Father, do you like it? I'll bring you a whole baking sheet! "One nice word you said to another, and the man melted. "And my husband does not talk to me like that." But you do not communicate with him as courteously as you do with your fathers. That's the problem. Kindness, love, sweetness conquer the soul of another.

"My house is the best when parents are not at home"

But you and your family communicate with respect, with love, right? And your home is paradise. The child enters and says: "I will not trade our house for anything!" One SMS sent me on weekends: "Our house is the best house in the world, because my parents left ... As at last I got home well: there is no swearing, skirmishes, misunderstanding, nerves. " Is it necessary for this only one thing: that the parents leave? Think! Why does your child say: when you leave, will it be okay for me?

Do something for your character! Your own! One woman listened to my programs and said: "Father, you speak so beautifully, I will tell my husband. It's all about him! "The husband listens and says:" Let the wife listen and be corrected. " And no one, no one will say: "What you said is about me! This is a mirror in which I can see my imperfections! "

According to the words of Father Porfiry, "our inner self" does not tolerate coercion and pressure. " This is the answer to the SMS, which I get with the words: "How will I cut off my shortcomings? The more I force my "I", the more it kicks! "Therefore, there is no need for pressure, but a good approach. Help your inner self to correct itself, not others! Tell me after the conversation: what will I change? Maybe I'll talk to my child a little differently and will not make him constantly make comments and criticize him? Or I do not need to clean the apartment a hundred times a day, already clean, and in the end be on the brink, but it is better softer, calmer, happier to behave with all members of my family? Or will I come home and speak kindly to my husband (which I have not done for a very long time)? But now the Great Lent! My child, I'm not calling you to commit a crime!

"Katherine, my love, I have come"


Yu. Kugach. Country girl

I ask one parishioner: "How do you call your wife?" - "In the sense?" - "Well, what is your wife's name?" - "Katerina." I say, "Now, you've come home. What are you saying? Do not you say, "Hello, Katerina, have I come, my beloved?" - "No, Father, why should I say this? It's useless! She already sees that I have come. " - "So you do not tell her: here I come, something affectionate?" - "No, my father, this is for the youth." - "To you how much?" - "42". "Ah, the old man is already." "It's not for us, it's for lovers." "So you're not in love with your wife?" Are you 42, and you are not in love? "-" Ah, "says," what does this attitude have to Christ, then, what are you asking me about? "-" Very large. Whether you have love or not, this has a great relationship to Christ. And the way you show your love. " "No, Father, I do not talk like that." I come, I say: "Let's eat". I bring money to the house. We are watching TV. Turn on the water heater in the bath, etc. We lead an ordinary life ... ". Then I say to him: "Since now is the Great Lent, you must perform a feat." He says: "Yes, Father, tell me how to fast?" - "Fast as you want," I say, "but when you come home during Lent, say:" Katerina is mine, I have come, "and if you want more feat, say: "My beloved, Katerina, I have come." "Father, excuse me, I can not do this, it puts pressure on me." - "He presses on you to tell his wife:" Katerina, my love, have I come? "-" No, I can not, that's all. " I asked him: "Please, I beg you, and you will commune on Easter, if you show your love." He hesitated, fumbled, left. Comes in a week: "Father, do not interfere more with my family affairs. I'll tell you what happened, and you'll see if I'm guilty of this or not. I came home, I put the key in the keyhole, I breathe in deeply, I pray (how can I tell my wife ?, No, I can not say that ...). He enters, there is a wife in an apron, uncombed, insane situation, and then he says to her: "Eeeee, Katerina, eeeee, beloved, I have come." She turned around, looking at him: "What a vulgarity ?! Are you out of sorts? When did you become serious ?! "Then I asked him:" How long have you said these words to your wife for the last time? "-" Father, if you want to know the truth, never in life. " His wife was so surprised, because he never told her such words! And she found it hard to believe in the simplest, natural things.

You think I'm joking now, but I'm talking about what should be the norm for each Christian couple - love for each other. About the first Christians, do you know what those who saw them said? "Look how they love each other." Now there is no such love between us. There are, but it is camouflaged by other things and is not visible. Once I was visiting Mr. Kostas Ganotis with the radio "Piraica Iklesia". He lives with his wife alone, Mrs. Irini her name, already elderly both. We went to them with my friend - a priest, a philologist from Scotland. And now, we are already leaving, and Mrs. Irini, addressing her husband, says: "Costa, beloved, turn the lights on to the priests in the corridor, so that they do not fall on the stairs." I turn to see who is speaking - yes, this "grandmother" says to his "grandfather": "Costa, beloved." Her mouth dripped with honey for her husband. Such people adorn each other, make each other better. We are stubbornness, stubbornness, stubbornness. No, I will be the winner, no, I will not humble myself before him, he will never see my tears, my father ... And you cry in front of him, and he is in front of you, and you will see that you are both people, with vulnerable souls and hearts , and so soften.

Fast, but respect the child!

The Lord will see that your heart is full of the oil of love

I know, it's easy to talk! But today I'm talking about the basics: to speak kindly - this is the basis, to respect each other - this is the basis, not to put pressure on another - is also the basis.

You fast, do not make fast the child, not his soul! I'm not talking about elementary school children, but about high school students, students: here you can not tell what he has. Then he will say: "Father and mother fast and for us they arrange torment from the post. And we, too, must ... at all costs! " And where is freedom? Where is respect? Fast, but respect and the child. And the Lord will see, He will see that you are fasting without oil, but your heart is filled with the oil of love. He will see your prayer, and when you're going to sort through the nodules on the rosary, the nodules of the tension in the house melt away. And then some draw the rosary, but they tie the soul of another person into the knot. Do not! You have to be yourself, as befits a person, and respect the other as he is able to be.

Through the prism of good intent

When the spouses with difficult characters came to Oropos to the elder Porphyry, he suggested that they look differently at the situation: "If you look differently, you yourself will change!" Everything depends on how you look and sometimes make strange conclusions.

"Father, but my son is a very, very, very difficult child ..." - "What is it difficult?" - "I told him to return to 23. 30, and he returned at two o'clock in the morning. " Well, here's the situation. And the way you interpret it, has to do with your own psyche, your spirituality and your thoughts. If a child came in two instead of 23.30, it still does not say anything: neither that something has happened to him, nor that he is a worthless person. And you already think: he was late. So either I contacted a bad company, or he does not listen to me at all, my opinion is neglected, I'm an empty place for him, he does not like me, he does not respect me ... You take everything to your account. You translate everything within yourself in your own way. Another would say: my child is late, because he is well with the company, so there is a reason for him to stay, everything will be fine with him. I'd rather pray and go to bed. I trust my child with God. That's how you need to work on your character. Otherwise, the alarm, anxiety, hysteria, and quarrels in the house will continue. Do you understand? It all depends on how you interpret the situation!

Therefore Father Paissy also repeated: have good thoughts. Interpret in a good sense the behavior of the other. You do not know why he spoke to you or behaved like that. So there was a reason. Once on the street I saw a friend, he walked on the other side and did not stop to talk to me. And although we somehow communicated earlier, but I interpreted everything in my mind egoistically (oh, you do not talk to me, why should I write to you then?) I stopped. After a couple of months he writes to me: "Father, we are lost, we have not spoken with you for a long time ...". I answer: "I thought you did not want to communicate with me." "Why?" "Because once you saw me on the street in Halandri." "Oh," he says, "Father, this was the day I went to the eye doctor, left my glasses in the car and did not even see my nose." He did not see his nose, and I decided that he did not notice me that he did not pay attention to me ...

How many mistakes we make because of false interpretations! And how often do women say one house without explaining what they mean, and others understand them differently! Here, both husband and wife should take steps to meet each other for the sake of understanding each other.

And on the other, will you become an angel?


K. V. Lemoh. Parental joy.

I wish that the marriage in which you live, your relationships with children, with your husband, be in order, and if they are not as you dream about it, work on relationships! For this you live. You will live to a hundred with a penny of years in order to approach love for each other and for God. Do not waste time on thoughts that distract you from this unity and love.

Divorce is not an option. It is necessary to pass through the tests and in them to cultivate their soul. If you do not learn with this wife and this husband, then with another you will again be unhappy. You drag yourself everywhere. Do you think that on the other you will become an angel? Or that another husband would be better than this? All problems are in you. Work on yourself. You will have time to divorce and 95! But before that, one must try all methods to save the marriage! You know, you can keep it with very simple things.

One of my friends got divorced. And he married a girl from Moldova or Ukraine. I say: "Why are you divorced? The kids stayed: a boy and a girl. Did your wife have such a bad character? "I myself thought that he just fell in love with another beautiful woman. - "No, Father," says, "For 18 years we have been married, and she has never shown that she loves me, counts with me, respects me. I will come home or a neighbor's dog, she will not pay attention. " - "And this wife, what does she do so special?" - I ask. "Nothing. But when I return from work, dead from fatigue, she pours hot water into the basin, throws in a large salt and rubs my toes on her legs. I'm crying. My first wife did not tell me a banal "hello." That's such simple things you can win the heart of another person: a smile, sms-koy, a bell, a kiss, a small gift. So soft characters are softened.

Pray with confidence in God! Believe in the change of your man. And it will change. The one who today grumbles, probably in 2019-th year will be different. The one who drinks today, in 2020, can become an angel, a saint, will be transformed. It is important: to believe in changing a person in the future. We, unfortunately, closed our mind and say: my husband - he is such, my wife - she is like that. No change is possible under any circumstances! This is our mistake.

Look at the man from his future

When you approach a person, do not look at him from his past! Look at him from his future! Well, in the past, he did something. The day before yesterday a girl approaches me and says: "I will never forgive him for what he did - he deceived me." - "When?" - "In the 1997 year". - "Okay you!" - "No, this is serious." - "But from 1997 to 2017 a couple of decades passed ?! You can not stay there, in the past. When I look at you and do not see your present and your future, but stick to the past, life does not go forward. And then what is Confession? Man confessed, repented. " Do you understand?

Now, when you go home, live two or three days the way I told you. One woman says to me: "When I listen, everything is fine, I like it. But I have a question: why, when my husband comes, inserts the key in the keyhole, then all my peace is destroyed? He spoils everything. " I say: "No, it helps you to make everything happen." And all help us. Everyone does good to us. All are instruments in the hands of God and our salvation. We will go to heaven together.

A source: Pravoslavie.Ru

Author: Archimandrite Andrew (Conanos)

Tags: Religion, Christianity

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