Today: October 22 2017
Fear, guilt, shame, sorrow, sadness, and, of course, anger - all these emotions are negative undeserved reputation. Many believe that it is better they do not feel at all, and if someone takes it and automatically becomes a very, very bad man. Psychologist Elena Lavrov tells why the negative feelings are useful and they should not be afraid.
Myth 1: negative emotions - bad, bad
Apparently, the first place in the top of the most awful emotions in the world occupy the anger and fear. The average person wants to kill all right in the morning: enraged people in the subway and bus, annoying colleagues in the office elevator. And when the evening cheer quietly drink coffee with a friend, the next will definitely sit screaming couple with a small child. How long?
Yes, experience frustration and anger do not like anyone. "These feelings are experienced unpleasant physiologically: the breath goes astray, pulse jumps. But this reaction is justified biologically - gives energy for action, "- explains Elena Lavrov.
So what. "From the point of view of the body in general, all the emotions are positive, because for something he needs. Imagine you walk into a subway car at rush hour in a state of elation and euphoria. In this case, it is likely that you will keep track of any "body" and out of the car you go out without a purse, and without a mobile phone. It is easy to fear makes us take care to hold the purse on the subway "- is an example in the book" Emotional intelligence: Russian Practice "(Sergey Shabanov, Alena Aleshina, Ed Mann, Ivanov and Ferber.).
So, as you can see, fear and anger - not too bad, but very useful.
Myth 2: negative emotions are useless and illogical
It seems it would be nice to do without them. Be happy, enjoy life and socializing with pretty nice people. But here is the thing: life is not always pleasant and cheerful. And emotions are helping to respond to all the changes occurring in it.
"Emotion - this is always a signal. If it is positive - it means everything is going well. - if not, something went wrong, you should pay attention to and understand ", - says Elena Lavrov.
You came here to work, and then the chief of reading your report, and somehow displeased frown. You are likely to feel anxiety. Here it is a signal - it is necessary to prepare for a difficult conversation.
Every emotion that we used to take the negative and do our best to ignore, has its own task.
"Fear protects them from dangers. Anger helps to combat these dangers. Sadness makes sit at home, to mourn, to relax, to rethink some experience, "- explains Elena Lavrov.
Of course, there are times when negative emotions seem meaningless, illogical. This is because with them was connected to some experience. He went, and emotional reaction to it remained.
"For example, some former leader wore a bow tie and constantly shouting at all. And now all the people with that ridiculous accessory cause irritation. Or despotic father forced to wear a hat. And now, any manifestation of concern from the man she loved like "put on your scarf, honey, there's now a cool" almost perceived as tyranny and gross invasion of personal space, "- gives the example of a psychologist.
So it's important to not just monitor their negative emotions. It is useful to analyze what caused them. Chances are good that will come together with an understanding of peace.
Myth 3: the manifestation of negative emotions turn people into hysterics
Especially women, but men too. Solid businesswoman falsetto screaming at the waiter, who brought a cappuccino instead of a latte, it looks like a hysterical woman.
"In fact, people do not hysterics emotions and ways of manifestation of these emotions - explains Elena Lavrov. - The so-called socially unacceptable ways - breaking dishes, shouts and other. "
All this - the legacy of the modern generation 30-40-year olds. When they were children, the parents did not have time and energy to deal with children's emotions: the main feed, to grow, to put on, wear. No one explained how to live and to express feelings. Nobody commented: yes, you hit the stick railing, because you're angry. What are you angry?
Modern parents already have an understanding of how important it is to teach the child to recognize his feelings. But many adults still do not know how to do. Men can not distinguish sadness with anger, because the sadness - the emotion to the exclusion of boys, boys do not cry. Therefore more angry. Girls, on the contrary, is always forbidden to be angry. Therefore, they are more likely to cry in frustration and become very sad.
Myth 4: negative emotions can not be controlled
Many are afraid of strong feelings. It seems necessary to get out of yourself - and all "neighbors, hangs, scum." The good news: the emotions are.
"None of these, which would have lasted forever. It held a situation in which they have arisen, and have been feeling. It's like a wave. Can I deal with it? No. But it is possible to surf, you can dive under it. And wait for it to subside, "- recommends that Elena Lavrov.
In addition, once the emotions are closely connected with the body, it can affect them physiologically. It is difficult to feel fear if straighten chest and normalize breathing. Sad it becomes more difficult, if you stand and smile widely.
To deal with negative feelings is not as difficult as it seems: it is enough to get enough sleep, time to eat. It is known that he was tired and hungry man is always more irritable.
Myth 5: negative emotions are very strong
This is not true. They also have a gradation. The most pronounced degree of negative emotions - affect. It is difficult to control, it is true. This biologically based mechanism which, however, can be very helpful in a critical situation: there are also cases where a person running away from the dog jumped over the six-foot fence. Or mother pulled the tail of the puma from their children, trying to protect them.
Less intense emotions already be aware of and understand the irritation - it is a mild form of anger.
Negative emotions can be quite positive: the sadness can be a light, sadness - a pleasant, nostalgic. Conversely, the joy may be flooded with so much that is able to prevent, for example, to drive a car. Whether such positive emotion at this moment?
In the end, negative emotions have a good effect: they reveal the creativity. A lot of works of art were created, when the author was sad, angry, frustrated. When one is completely satisfied with his life - inspiration is usually no.
You ask, and still do not understand why I need to understand the feelings, the more such unpleasant? But the main profit: to be heard. After all the negative emotions in the relationship appear more often because of misunderstanding.
- How can you gather two o'clock! - man shouts. A woman tried to be nice to him though. Offended, angry. No dialogue, contact.
So, when at least one person understands the reason for the other's feelings, the opportunity to return understanding is greatly increased. Think, would you like to become such a person?