Today: December 13 2018
We are all a bit 'nedolyubleny "their parents. Meanwhile, parental love, kindness, praise, support - the basis for the formation of self-sufficient and, most importantly, self-confident person. The belief in their strength, the ability to deal with the failures originate in early childhood and are directly related to the behavior of our mothers and fathers. Today we will tell you exactly what to do to the child grew confident.
Do not worry
Kids learn the world through experience, tactile, sensory organs. Excessive caution - "caution", "danger", "thou shalt not", "do not eat", "step aside" - lay in the mind of the child the feeling of inferiority, incompetence. Of course, in this case we are not talking about trying to turn the hot water, but, say, climb on a high ladder is quite possible with the help of a parent.
The baby absorbs our anxiety, like a sponge, in addition, from a psychological point of view, permanent bans on a deep level are perceived by the child as "Do not be, do not live!" As a result grows frightened adult with installation: "I'd rather not do anything, as if something bad happened."
Do not compare
If you think that the reproaches in the spirit of "Vanya already well believes" will help your first-grader learn better, then you are mistaken. His logical chain is likely to be this: "Vanya thinks well, then I'm bad, stupid." After such comparisons, the trust between the child and the adult is lost. Comparing it with others, you make it clear that those children like you much more. Constant comparisons form in children the fear of "not being good enough", which remains with them forever. All his life he will try to be "no worse", and there will always be someone more successful and talented. Really self-confident people do not look back at other people's achievements.
Often parents do not have enough patience to give a child the opportunity to cope with the difficult matter for him. If the positive expectations of parents, if they allow the child to be independent, to try new things, then he gets the message: "believe in me, I can, I will." If his desire obviously doomed to failure, try to do everything for him, the child reads: "In do not believe me, do not trust me, I can not."
It is better to say: "You almost got it, let me help a little" or "Next time, you can be sure!" Than to pull out of the hands of the baby and do everything yourself.
Do not criticize
You can blame the child's behavior, but not himself. Compare: "You broke my vase You see what happens when you run, not looking around ...." Or "You're clumsy, always on you nothing but trouble!" In the latter case, the baby appears reason to blame yourself: "I'm bad!" Optimally, try to glue together the spoiled vase, because a habit to correct their mistakes in the future will help a lot more than the ability to self-abasement.
Try to replace the phrase "strange scribbles" on the "interesting happened," instead of "it is not clear what", say "strange creature". Any exercise is better to start with in order to support the child: what do you do - good. When he finishes do, offer to hang picture on the wall in his room. As psychologists say, the child is important to be acknowledged and recognized - that he wants to show to tell her parents. Underrated a child is likely to withdraw into themselves and grow with conviction, "What I am doing - is not significant, it is not necessary, I will not like me."
Do not make fun of
A stunning story about how the little boy said stupidity will give you five minutes of attention of others. And for half a year will make the child feel shy, turning to you: "What if I make a mistake again and look ridiculous?" There is an opinion that a strong person can laugh at himself with others. As long as the child becomes a strong person, many years will pass. So do not laugh at the child, do not betray, because you are his defense, support and support. The sensations that a person experiences, being ridiculed publicly, psychologists call frustration. In other words, this is a threat situation, accompanied by disappointment, anxiety, irritation and desperation for the child.
Do not ask
If the child does not justify your expectations and requirements, his self-esteem plummeted. Self-love is wounded, and he decides: "Something I've definitely not, therefore, do not try." As a result, even with good data, a child can forget about their hobbies. Ask him to do a little more than what he has already done. He is afraid to meet new people - go up together, but does not demand the impossible! Give him a taste of the first success - the child will become bolder and eventually will be decided on a more serious step.
Do not do instead of the child
If you do everything for your child that is hard for him, then he will never learn to find a way out of difficult situations on his own. Therefore, try not to interfere in the life of your child, trying to make it as easy as possible. Regularly assign small tasks to the child: let him feed animals at a certain time every day. Suffice it to recall your agreement. And by all means tell the guests that you have a little helper growing up - without him the animals would be hungry. Then he will necessarily learn to take responsibility, and where responsibility - there is confidence.
Parents typically perceive the small achievements of the child as something natural, normal. The child drew a circle? It is high time, and then some scribbles. Rejoice in the success of a child, regardless of whether he was able to score the decisive goal in the opponent's goal during a football game or just attempted. Children should never feel uncomfortable due to the fact that tried to do something. Only then, as adults, they will not be afraid to try new things.
Parents often do not notice or even belittle the merits of the child, and faults, even the smallest, is never left unattended. We should not be used too often common "well done", "clever", it is better to celebrate the action.
Sometimes parents feel good conduct, child support, his attempt anything diligently do anything for granted at the same time - if I move the same situation in the adult, it looks completely different light. For example, you are sure to thank her husband or girlfriend for the excellent time spent for going to the movies or a restaurant. It is also important to thank your child! Thank him for everything: for the fun day, for a joint walk in the park, with the figure dad, for real help or any attempt to have it, even if that assistance is brought to you more trouble than good.
Expressing his gratitude to the child, you put it on one level with adults, allowing to feel important, significant, important to you.
Using these tips 10, you can grow an independent, self-sufficient and self-confident person.