Today: 19 2018 June
Even in affluent families, many parents are unaware of the issues that matter to their son. To overflowing energy directed to a peaceful course and not in the "curve track," the young man needed help, love and understanding. Therefore, it is important that his life was someone he could trust and get answers to "biting" his soul questions. Irina Peterson, a teacher, a teacher of Russian language and literature, social activist, mother and grandmother, shares her experience of creating a trusting relationship with the students.
The juvenile period is heavy not only because the body, developing, experiencing physiological storms, but also because the personality of the young man. He is looking for himself, his place in life and society, authorities, support. His nervous system is unstable and vulnerable. He perceives much hostility, hard to get along with him and find a common language, it is fresh, or, conversely, is silent, "locked", drop out of school, out of the house.
On a personal experience
I teach at the Riga State College (www.rvt.lv) almost grown up (after 9-grade) young people. They come from all over Latvia and have different levels of proficiency in Russian. Just over a year I have to teach them to his subject. Learn the language easier to dialogues and examples from real life. A dialogue is possible only if the group established friendly relations. Create them hard, but me and my students, even the former, very value them.
What are we talking? All that they care about and care: about themselves, about their family, work (a lot) about profanity and bad habits, appearance, habits, hobbies, friends, girls, relationships, future plans.
For example, the guy missed a day of school. It turned out to work. I love these! I find out there on the lesson that it works as a janitor, but this is very shy. And I say, "What you're done! Guys, look at Janis, he makes the city cleaner and our lives!" You should have seen his eyes shining after class! He has a different vision of themselves, of their work. It is quite another Janis ...
Together we go to exhibitions, museums, galleries. I agree in advance on excursions for children and mini-lectures to be interesting. Then they lead to the same friends or girls and have them tell themselves about a painting exhibition. And look in the eyes of friends and girls clever and erudite.
About boys and girls
I have such a thing as malchikovedenie and devochkovedenie. It was very important for children, because on one floor with them never spoke.
For example, the question of what is most valued in girls boys, girls meet: appearance - face, chest and legs. But it turned out that the boys are interested in girls who understand them, support, share their interests and, most importantly, friendly to them. So, in the first place - spiritual qualities.
All boys dream of true and honest friend on mutual and strong feelings. Sometimes I cynically interrupted: "Love - it's sex!" This is gleaned from the Internet, communication with peers, movies. Books-I almost did not read. And we need to convey to them what is what.
"Yes, sex - it's part of love, but love itself. As a young man he was very important, it is a natural physiological need. And what is love? What distinguishes love from love? What it happens in 11, 14, 17, 20 years ? " We are talking, analyzing citations of writers and poets of love. I pick up the boys for serious texts, reading that they comprehend their lives. And not disclosed for evaluation, but really. They carefully read into every word, even thought the classics rewrite his notebooks, because they are important for these concepts. In these sessions, they make a lot of discoveries.
On the exterior
"How should look like a boy to like a girl?"
"What should a girl to?" ..
There is always "live" personal example. I never allow myself to come whatsoever, dressed anyhow, with messy hair, nails, etc. Then, as a man and a woman look and take care of themselves, talking about their respect for yourself and the people around. As I always "in the form of" bring them to himself as an example. If something in their appearance I do not like, I'm talking about it, but without offending and humiliating his remark, we should be friends.
For example, if you see a scruffy, the impersonal appeal to the class: "Guys, you'll excuse me, but here we have a bad smell." No need to go through the rows and find out who in dirty clothes or socks and who smells of sweat. Need to convey to them that we should observe basic hygiene and take care of yourself. Hinting that the employer never offer "slut" a well-paid job. "Dirt" know everything about yourself and taking action. I do not have to repeat the remark twice.
There are among the guys and those who brave profanity or all the jokes and conversations reduces to sex. I also had such a student. Not only was he scribbling, he also sought out certain works from Russian classics. And I was very interested, do I know about "such" verses and stories. On my "yes" he invited me to bring these books - read. And I said: "What a fine fellow you are! You read Pushkin-Tolstoy's works ... Bring it!" He brought and asked me to read the book aloud in class. I answered that I always read it, but I'm not at the lesson myself. The next time I said, "I read it, but you know, I do not have this problem, so I've already closed it on the 2 page." The same thing for teenagers, not for me ... "And then he tells me : "I have a problem: I always get bad girls!" - "What does" bad girls "mean?" - "Vulgar and easy behavior." - "Let's think: you always talk about sex, you bring the teacher a book about sex, you always come across vulgar girls of bad behavior ... Try to find the answer." - "I'll think about it". And left.
A week later, the entire group when he thanked me for my help and what I taught him a lot. Guy 22 years, among other things.
And for those who use it contaminating jargon and profanity, I have got ... pig figurine. And when I hear from someone a "dirty" word, do not make comments and put a figure on his desk ... How do you think they are then also expressed?
All the secrets about the girls
How to behave with a girl, what to say? Teach compliment: "It is what you like about her: eyes, hair, hands, spiritual qualities. Talk to her about it, at least on 20 times a day about the same, but always find new words. Admired her . you are worth nothing, and it would be nice. " Then they come and tell us that compliments "work."
I have a technique of "100 dollars." Select group of someone with a bad mood. Seated on a chair in front of everyone, and praise. It turns out that it is difficult to talk to each other simple good word, because they rarely hear or not hear at home. They do not even know the color of their eyes, not to mention its positive inner qualities. And it is important for them, then they are willing to develop their talents and feel confident in life, can easily cope with their studies, with their problems and experiences.
About life plans
We pass adjectives. I ask the theme: "My favorite girl", describe it. In response, I hear that there is no girl yet. I say: "And what about the ideal, what kind of girl should you look like, so that you can love her? Write to me." And, guys, remember, if you do not have a plan for your future life and your achievements, you will not be clearly aware , what kind of girl, family, friends, work you need, they will not appear in your life. There will, of course, be some, but she will disappoint you. " In doing so, I give them a sample plan drawn up by Leo Tolstoy. "Write your own, at the same time and check how it works." Here in me already speaks an experienced and successful entrepreneur. I know that for success in life you need a clear plan of action: it organizes, helps to go forward and achieve your goals. For men, this is important.
I always sincerely interested in their affairs, admire their skills and knowledge, I am pleased with their success. If I do not know what they honestly say this. And my credibility is not affected. Not knowing is not a shame, because it is impossible to know everything. And if you have read or heard from someone that did not know before, then you are also among the knowledgeable.
On materials: delfi.lv