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Live easy: how to learn to deal only with their problems?

All we are constantly faced with various problems. All we periodically "hang out" in a serious meditations as well be now, the problem is not to put pressure on us a heavy load and do not interfere with us to enjoy life.


  • Learn to distinguish their problems from others.
  • Stick to their problems.
  • In other people's problems involved only if desired.
  • Do not touch that not depend on you.
  • To let off steam.

Standard bouquet

Anya lives with her husband, son and daughter in a two-room apartment in Plavnieki. Liza's daughter goes to the fifth grade, Artyom's son goes to a kindergarten, her husband manages the building materials base. Anya very much wants to buy a bigger apartment, but my husband is absolutely against loans: he has seen enough of the grief of friends who are stuck in debt, and intends to save money for building a house. If you follow his plans, then a big house for the family shines Ana in seven years, when Lisa's daughter is already grown up and begins an independent life. Narrowing Anu infuriates, I do not even want to clean the apartment, still half of the things have nowhere to do, except how to fold the chairs.

Anya worried as my daughter awkward relationship with classmates: the girl with no one to friends and reluctantly tells what happens at school. And Anya afraid of the future of the company where she works as a chief accountant. Company bought out the new owners, like Anya copes with work, but he is afraid: what if it in the same place will not leave for any reasons? Anya has trouble sleeping at night and worry all the time.

Not to get sick from nervous tension, Ana should sort all its complexity on the shelves.

1. Learn to distinguish their problems from others

Your problem - a situation that causes you personally suffering and serious inconvenience. Its solution depends on you. You can influence it directly or indirectly.

Anina problem - this close housing. She suffers because of it every day. And the ability to influence the decision of the problem, as well earns, enjoys the respect and love of her husband, knows what she wants and how to achieve it.

Another's problem is a situation that is unpleasant for you, because it hurts your loved ones or breaks the picture of a good and just world that is familiar to you. For Anya, a foreign problem is the relationship of the daughter with her classmates. She worries about her daughter, because she sees her distress. If her daughter was closed and trying to be alone, Anya would not be worried about her. And so her soul hurts. Solving the problem from Ani does not depend. Affect the classmates and find them friends with Lisa, she can not. Though she as the mother really wants to intervene and present to her baby on a saucer a dozen girlfriends and cheerful friends.

Another stranger for Anya problem - it is the fear of her husband to be insolvent and drowning in debt. It should not instill in him confidence. Only he is able to cope with their fears.

2. Deal with their problems

Exit from Anya's situation is only one all decide for herself. Run on the banks, learn different conditions of housing loans, including only due to his salary, to collect all the information and offer all collected her husband's study. Maybe she will have to endure some heavy conversations may need to yell and scandal and still be convincing and strong.

Very firmly remember: your task - to solve his problem, and not understand why it did not want to make my husband. Do not analyze it! We, women, always the temptation to drown in her husband's complexes, to understand why her husband does so in the hope that as soon as it will understand what it once inspire and do everything: the floors in the bathroom replace, the roof in the country will block, a car and an apartment buy it. And here and there! He would be delighted: "Hooray, I understand!" That's all.

The second temptation, to which it is hard to resist: nag her husband and require him to take up the case. He is angry at his wife-saw, silent and disappear at work or swear at him. But still does not do anything.

Remember: not the ocean of our compassion and understanding, not sawing and not grumble, but only our actions can bring a man out of his stupor, activate and motivate to the explanation and some useful actions for the family

3. How to deal with other people's problems

If they relate to loved ones, can and should take part in solving the problem of someone else and to reduce the suffering of an important person to you. But do not decide something most: thus you only otodvinesh radical solution to the problem, and then it still members catch up. If your 5-year-old child carries a cat by the tail, and she had scratches - this is a problem child and a cat. Of course, you can give a cat grandmother, but then the child will never learn to get along with animals, and his other cat scratch or bite the dog, or he will grow up in fear of "hazardous household predators."

It is necessary to explain to the kid how to deal with friends, cats, dogs and birds. Then he goes to school, on the street, will build a relationship with the world of humans and animals. For mom is hard to imagine. But it is necessary, otherwise the child will grow infantile and helpless.

Husband oppressed by fears of career abruptly, before the threat can not cope with the credit crunch? But it's his fears! Sorry for your sweetheart? Hear all about his worries, support. But only up to the limit as long as it is not a problem will spoil the life of the whole family.

4. How to distinguish the problem of the fact that it is necessary to take

We often try to do something with an objective reality that can only be reckoned with. And we waste our strength and nerves in vain. In the case of Anya, this fact is a change of leadership. After all, even if Anya does not sleep at night and gets fat from nervous gluttony at 10 kg, nothing depends on her here. And worry about whether she will retain the post or not, it's pointless. In such moments it is important not to fuss, not to complain and not rush to look for a new job. Calmness is an indicator of strength. Fussiness is regarded as a weakness. It is more profitable to be self-confident, balanced, and not to twitch, as if you have one hundred and one mortal sin.

5. Let off some steam!

How to cope with their problems and not ruptured.

  • Do not drag all by yourself. Want to get married - look matchmaker or energetic friend familiar with many men. Not enough money - ask your friends to find a perquisite.
  • Ask for advice from those who have successfully coped with a problem similar to yours. Appropriate advice to follow is not a sin. Unsuitable advice awaken your imagination, logic, creative talent and help you find your way.
  • Share the emotion with those in your problem is not mired by the ears. If divorced - speak with reliable friends, but not with his mother, desperately worried about you. Chatting with smart girlfriend allow free from negativity. Conversation with my mother even more frightened stir because mom is going through, "Daughter hurt!" - And nothing else thinks.
  • Take timeouts. And spending time in unfamiliar surroundings: on the evening fishing with her husband, in pursuit of a cranberry bog on Tukumskogo in an unexpected trip to the country. When we get out of the rut, then completely disconnected from the everyday and perfectly restore your energy.
  • Give output negative. Add in a fitness club or pool, watch thrillers, read Scary: do not hold a negative experience, that they will go away.
  • Collect joy. You know that we women, it turns out we are able to find happiness in the small: scientists have discovered that we even DNA is so arranged to receive pleasure from the little things. Drink cappuccino, eat chocolate and oranges, take an aromatic bath, ask her husband to give you a foot massage, or sign up for a session in a professional masseur. And life will seem brighter and better than you.

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