Today: October 18 2018
When advisers intervene in relations from the side, do not expect a good one. Which of the people's recommendations are not just useless, but dangerous for life (family, of course) - the psychologist-publicist Elena Loseva finds out.
Due to the mentality of the friendly question: "How are you?" - we answer in detail. Tea, not Americans what to deny from friends to the duty "Okay!"
We share with each other personal from politeness: in recognition of the fact that the interlocutor is not a stranger. And in return we get a number of recommendations on how to live on. After all, the indifference, the desire to help - this is another feature of our mentality.
This behavior was set as our parents' example. And it is the empathy that the person who tells you what to do with your husband to try to improve is trying to demonstrate. But why then are the tips of outsiders so annoying?
If frankly, not everyone wants to delve into other people's family problems - it's enough for their own. Therefore, almost all "polite advice" is obviously superficial, stereotyped and useless. But they sink into the soul, they make you think about things that never occurred to you before, or, on the contrary, they put pressure on the sick calluses so that you want to scream.
Harmful can be called any advice, which after receiving causes a person not gratitude, but negative tension. The most common and toxic ones are worth considering once in detail in order to neutralize forever.
Maybe you did not think: whether to agree to the proposal, and shared the story, to once again experience the triumph. It's nice when you are loved. And then the very combination of the words "go-married-yet-call" turned you into a product that can lie on the shelf!
So awkwardly the adviser, probably, wished to underline your youth and beauty - we will focus on it. And to marry "on the first call," if it is not the voice of his own heart, let others leave.
"Say that you are pregnant," "you need money," "you are seriously ill" - and other horror stories that should "reveal" a man.
This advice is dangerous already because it involves artificially creating a stressful situation when everything is fine. It seems to be a proposal to blow up the house to find out what you will do with the explosion. Such checks can offend a partner. Especially if he did not give reasons to doubt himself.
The adviser, most likely, has an interest in passion in relationships, scandals, tragedies and all such ... You can safely recommend in return to watch cult Indian films. And that, we are so accepted: to advise one another the best!
This important advice flies in order to save the new cell of society from unnecessary people. In "superfluous" relatives from one or both parties, down to parents and siblings are written down. And then they will start: the older ones - to command, the younger ones - to sit on their necks ...
Perhaps, the adviser has a similar negative experience, or he heard a lot that it happens - that's what he shares his sore. He can only sympathize.
Yes, many conditions have to be taken into account when building relationships with relatives, and the situations are very different. You decide how to show that "you have your own family": to wrest a loved one from meat from the parent, or gradually merging with two clans into a single whole.
That's how you make pies and rolls, love your house every day to a shine, and once you tell someone how your man was lucky. And in response: "So let him take you, so good, to the restaurant!", "... buy a better coat," and so on "it's time to think about yourself."
What's happening? Perhaps the adviser does not like the household as much as you do, or has not received any gifts from the second half ...
And some do not know how to enjoy the success of others. And tips with hints that things are not right for you, you need to remove this contented expression from your face. In general, you are personally appreciated. And provocation is not worth it.
When it comes to issues of procreation, each of us sinks deeply into personal experiences. Some lead the example of their experience "gave birth after the wedding, we are happy", others - "did not get pregnant for a long time, and he left", the third - "gave birth right away, and good! My husband left, but I'm with a child "...
Oh, how many options there are, and almost always own choice after years is perceived as correct. These are the tricks of self-esteem: in order to keep it to the proper level, all decisions of the past are brought to the values with a plus sign.
So, after catching this advice, just get ready to listen to a story that may open something new for you about the adviser, but not about when your couple become parents.