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What if his desire to frighten

It is believed that sex should not be a lien, if all by mutual agreement. But when there is a mismatch, especially we are afraid that your partner will meet their needs on the side. Whether to go for a deal with myself for the sake of peace in a relationship or to reserve the right in bed to do just what you want? To complex questions are answered by "Lady Mail.Ru» and practicing psychologist, consultant on personal and professional development Zalota Catherine.

"First of all, striking the phrase" shall not "- says the psychologist. - If the meaning behind this "no sex rules", a ban on bans - is the rule. Second, what can be noted - the fear that you can not meet all the needs a partner, and he will meet them somewhere else. As if you order in the relationship, to meet the needs of the partner and hold it there, and it's sad. "

This belief says that the existing relationship for you and unstable to support them, you need to constantly make an effort to satisfy the desires of men. It takes a lot of energy and creates tension. Have fun in such conditions is quite difficult, especially when it comes to sex, where the pleasure - a very important factor.

"I support the partner needs to hear while listening to yourself to feel what you want with him to implement, and that - no - advises Catherine Zalota. - What's stopping you? Can you here and now decide to risk it, or too much for you? And their willingness to act out.

The idea of ​​sacrifice themselves for the sake of another out of fear that he will leave you - not very healthy indeed. Movement towards a partner with its capabilities and the realization that you can not at any time come to each other, and that's fine - this is, in my opinion, a healthy idea. "

Regardless of whether that partner offers, it is first important to think about their preferences about what is important to you personally. If it does not match your desires or opportunities at the moment, you can talk about it or discuss it with a man.

What men dream

It is no secret that the world of men's sexual fantasies populous variety of girls. Much of what you want to implement in sex, ordinary men can not even imagine how to. But this does not prevent us get nervous when we were suddenly confronted with his wordly dreams.

Men do not always desire comes directly, sometimes we learn about his desires, bumping into pornography references browser and on your phone. And as it relates to his secrets, there often can be found questions that do not fit within the bounds of decency. Threesome with another woman or something else that violates moral norms can scare. But whether or not to carry it to my account?

"I am for an open dialogue with the consent of both partners - responsible psychologist. - If I were (if not "suddenly" you monitor phone and e-mail partner - a separate conversation) bump on private well have said, "I'm sorry, stumbled upon your blog (porn, letters). A further partner to decide whether to let you into this intimate zone or leave it still for yourself.

Porno can hardly threaten privacy. If I can not give partner what he needs, and he decides it is using porn, ie fantasies, it is healthy behavior. The question is why it bothers you again because of the idea that everyone needs it must meet with you? "

There is another common female fear. Men's initiative in sex - a usual thing, but if a man offers something such, does this mean that what happens between you in bed, it has ceased to arrange? Hate to think that without the diversity and special "menu", by itself you ceased to be desired. Sexual desires of men are a powerful engine for themselves, but can not manage your.

"If I dream of foie gras at expanses of Provence, we can conclude that the fried potatoes with mushrooms for lunch today failed. Believe me, there's foie gras every day - the horror, the horror, the same as every day to meet the fantasy.

Know about fantasy partner and take them - for many, if you can somehow help in their implementation - too perfect. No, I mean, no partner to decide what to do with this information, nothing you can do about it. "

Waiver or consent

The most terrible fear of all those who desire to frighten us with men in sex, it is, of course, to break the link and say goodbye to all these relationships. That's just not clear what more can bring your story to a head - your "yes" or your "no"? After suppressed desires give birth to frustration and anger, and this is no better than life in anticipation of treason.

"Relations destroy lies, illusions, and lack of understanding of personal boundaries. If I want to say "no" and say "yes", and vice versa - it's definitely destroys relationships, if not today then tomorrow.

People, allowing to violate its borders, does not value themselves, and thus, it is not valued by others. If you invite me to the movies, ask what I want to see, and I always say "the same thing you are," why me go to the movies? I can do nothing to enrich partner with me impossible to learn something new. "

How to stop being afraid

- Try to more clearly identify the cause of your fear. What exactly are you afraid of - how will feel the consequences of betrayal? Is not it worth it for a general distrust of the partner to the relationship or to men in general?

- Ask your partner exactly what he wants and how important it is for him. Often the men themselves are disappointed in the experiments may be your refusal joint decision.

- Admit your fears man, explain what you fear and are afraid to lose in the end.

- Have your script wish fulfillment. Threesomes can be compensated joint viewing of erotic movies, role-playing games will help add variety.

- If an obstacle to getting the fear of condemnation, consider those whose ratings are you afraid of, and whether these estimates in reality affect your life and your relationships.

- It is important to realize that modesty - it's not a flaw, but you can decide what you will do, and that you will not even try.
Author: Julia Piliguzova
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