Today: 22 September 2018
"I think, wonder:" call-not call, "" write, do not write, "" say-do not say "- it is harmful. Harmful because it takes time in your life. Harmful because these thoughts can take you from the really important things : from living relationships, from your feelings, from your children, from your business. It is building a virtual world in your head, mind games and not real life, "- says the psychologist Lilia Ahremchik.
Building strategies: "I'll say this - he will answer this, and then I'll explain it to him - and let him make decisions," almost certainly will not get the result you're counting on. First, we exaggerate the knowledge of another person and the knowledge of his reactions. The whole strategy can break after the first words. Secondly, we do not even know from ourselves at times what to expect. What can we say about another person, who is probably still in a state of stress? Third, excessive reasoning often provokes rejection. Another person unconsciously reads that they want something from him, and reasonably puts forward defenses to avoid being used. Was it worth it to spend time on strategy?
The sincerity and emotion always give the best effect. Always. Think about it: when you face the pain of others face to face, your first reaction is unconscious - to help if you - a normal person with a strong sense of empathy and compassion, and not bitter travmatik. If your openness and honesty gave the opposite effect - the person closed, or, worse, closed aggression, it is also good - information for you about this person.
I think it should be easier to relate to life. I would like to know something, ask. I would like to ask, ask. I would like to speak, tell. Even if nakosyachil, God is with him. With this man nakosyachil, another will perceive adequately and safely. With this will look lohushka, with another - a naive and cute little girl. In life, never ever something Of course, except for life itself. There will always be something else. After these words will be following after these acts - other then a man - someone else if you afford it.
But there are three of nuance in the manifestation of your emotions, which I would have paid attention. The first - to talk about their feelings and about what you would like ("I feel bad", "uncomfortable", "feel alone", "I would be pleased if you would," "important for me, if you" etc. .), but not about how the other person had to do, and who he is after that did not. Second - not to make the expression of their feelings and experiences in the brain stem. One topic once said. And third, it is very subjective, but it is very important to you - focus on the finish.
Every word and action is what I call the finish. If done correctly for you, then inside there is a pleasant, warm feeling that all is well. Another glad you are satisfied - everything is fine. If something does not cost, it appears inside a nasty feeling that nothing, it would be better to abstain. Although all is not in vain, even the nasty feelings. And do not those words - those, too, forgive yourself. So at that moment, with that person, so which one you are, you and should have been, and could not be otherwise. It was the best alignment.
With addiction harder ... If you are in an emotional depending on the person, then, most likely, your call or visit "at the call of the heart" of boredom, then do not leave a very good impression and objectively worsen the situation. And if you are relaxed and calm, not attached to the outcome, even sms middle of the night with a desire to discuss something important to you, it will be for you, and for quite a different look acceptable and interesting.
So, listen, feel, and act with sensitivity. And take it easy. In the end, when there kosyachit, if not in this life?