Today: March 22 2019
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Marriage: hell or heaven?

Marriage: hell or heaven?

14 2018 June LJ cover – Брак: ад или рай?
Tags: Religion, Orthodoxy, Marriage, Family

Finally, be all of one mind, compassionate, brotherly, merciful, friendly, humble (1 Pet. 3: 8).

A wife must learn this art - be friendly to her husband, that is, that he looks at her and rejoices. And one more thing.

Girls and women should watch themselves, because in reality it happens that in a married life one feels what the other feels, and the women are most written on the face that they have in their souls. For example, she is sad and sullen, and you ask her:

- Is there something wrong with you?

- No, it's okay.

"Are you in trouble?"

- No, I'm fine!

- You are tired?

- No, I'm fine!

But you can see! You betray what you have inside.

This is how men's psychology works, and therefore it is desirable that the wife smile and be friendly, rather than gloomy, depressed, because seeing her such a husband begins to get nervous. It embraces the feeling that he has to do something, and he becomes like a lion locked in a cage.

A wife must learn to give him this joy. And not so much that the husband returns from work, enters the door, and the wife from the threshold begins to throw out his problems. This is mistake!

So Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You are her children, if you are doing good and do not be embarrassed by any fear (1 Pet. 3: 6).

So it was in Cyprus until recently, right? The husband said: "This is my mistress" - and the wife: "This is my master!" Now they do not say this. Do they say so? No. And before they said, and now, if you go to a village, there are still a lot of noble old people who say so. And you see that they are very happy people, because one knows how to talk to another, the husband knows how to deliver this joy, because it is very important - that the wife is joyful.

When she is not joyful, but depressed and her face is irritated, it is really difficult to live with. She seems to be wearing a hollow saw for metal, and if you're at least iron, she will cut you in half! It's impossible for you to remain unharmed! You will have problems. Required.

Therefore, wives should be friendly and deliver this joy to their spouses. And my spouse, as I said before, gives her spouse honor, supplies her with praise, tenderness, love, reliability, warmth - everything a wife needs with her husband.

Learn to respect each other as a person, and not see in the other just the opposite sex!

We also need to understand that married life does not rest on intimate relationships, they make up only a small part of married life. If the husband does not understand this, another illness will appear in the marriage. They both need to understand this before marriage. Therefore, the Church decisively does not accept premarital relations, so that the husband and wife can learn to respect each other as individuals, and not see in the other just the opposite sex.

Premarital ties destroy marriage. Recently I read that even in Western countries (civilized, as they say), where there is complete freedom on these issues, people have discovered that to keep themselves clean and unblemished before marriage is the main prerequisite for the success of family life, because then the marriage really makes sense , sacredness and conditions for full mutual respect are created. It is then that marriage becomes a real mystery. Otherwise, everything is trampled before marriage, and it turns into the usual repetition of something that they have already done hundreds of times before, and therefore do not see any significant meaning in marriage.

God Himself says that when a person marries, he must leave his father and mother, to cling to his wife, and they will both be one flesh (see: Gen. 2: 24, Eph. 5: 31). You, of course, honor your parents, but this veneration continues until marriage, and then another person is entering your life, already your wife. And you leave your father and mother, which, of course, does not mean that you become indifferent to them, just you always need to keep in mind that you have to cling to your wife.

And Scripture says this mainly to her husband. That is, the husband most of all must leave his father and mother, because if he takes them with him, he will fail. Marriage it will not be successful. While the bride's parents, whatever it is, still sometimes help, look after the children, etc. But I do not think that two mistresses could get along in one house, because in that case one of them would have to become a great saint!

Communication between spouses should not be shaken by interference by parents

We honor all: both to their parents and to their parents' spouses, who are also brought to us by their parents. But only the fact that this honor should include a fair amount of discretion, because the relationship between spouses should not be shaken because of the interference of parents. Whatever it was, but the bond in marriage should be preserved intact by the price of any victims, and only if there is no risk for it, then we can pay attention to our parents.

When there is a healthy relationship between the spouses, when the husband and wife love each other and are closely related, then there is no problem with their parents, that is, when the husband loves and respects the parents of the wife, because she loves her, and she loves him, confident and has confirmation that her husband loves her more than anything else. She will begin to grumble only when she suspects that the husband is susceptible to the influence of his mother, or how to put it secretly gave part of his mother's heart and she still has power over him, then the wife will find a thousand reasons to say: "Your mother then! Your mother is sho! "

And if you often go to your mother (and you, in fact, go to her once a year), then the wife will tell you: "Yes, you were only there yesterday!" - or: "Your mother called on the phone and asked: "And where is my son?" "

When the spouse is completely sure that the husband belongs to her whole, with all her soul and body, then, I think, there are no problems. Problems arise from the moment when the spouses cease to be interconnected indissolubly, that is, they are not so much connected and somewhere there is a "leak" or "hole", then problems begin. And when the marital life is healthy, when the spouses are united and love each other, then there are no such problems. Problems appear because there is no unity, which is obligatory for marital communication.

The Holy Apostle very much appreciates marriage and marriage. That is, looking at your wife, you learn to look at her as a person with whom you will be co-heirs of the Kingdom of God. When does our prayer meet obstacles? When our conscience bites us. When conscience tells us that what you did is not good, and we have something against our brother, then we can not pray, because we do not have the boldness for God. A man has a boldness, whose conscience clearly testifies to him that he did what he could. Therefore, it is very important to look at another person as a co-heir of the Kingdom of God, and to marry as a common feat, that's why we live together so that together we can get together and enter the Kingdom of God together.

We do not get married to live in clover, to have children, a house. No, the main point is to enter the Kingdom of God together, which means that I am ready at any time to pay any price, bring any sacrifice and transfer any difficulty in marriage. Therefore, you can not break your marriage at the first difficulty that appears or even if the embarrassment continues, but it must be saved.

You will say: "Yes, because marriages dissolve!" Yes, dissolve. But it is a fact that marriage should rest and be built on this basis and that a mutual bond is built up and is attached to the joint march of the couple to the Kingdom of God. And this means that one must support the other, and both will move forward together toward the Kingdom of God.

Spouses, pray together! Who will pray together every day, they will never feel problems

It is very important that the couple learn how to pray together. So do not avoid common prayer and pray together! At least two minutes, but stand up both before God and pray together. And you will see that whoever will pray together every day, they will never feel problems. Why? Because the hour of prayer will come, which will dispel all problems.

Today, for example, we quarreled. But in the evening, though, we will go to pray together. What can you do? One of his corner, the other of his, but we will come to stand together before God. We will do something like the one mentioned in the Paterik, where one abba came to another and said:

- Geronda, my brother greatly upset me, and I can not forgive him. I can not!

- Oh well! Then come here, let's pray! - the elder replied and began to pray: - "Our Father, Thou art in heaven. Hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, as in heaven and earth. Give our daily bread to us and do not forgive us our debts, just as we do not forgive our debtors. "

The first avva began to object:

"No, Father, this is a mistake!" We say: "And leave us our debts, just as we leave our debtor!"

"But you do not forgive him!" How can God forgive you? So, "We very much pray to Thee, Christ: do not forgive us our sins, as we, respectively, do not forgive the sins of another ..."

When you go to pray to God, you will reconcile there. Pray together with your wife, and the first softening will come, the wound will be tightened and a bridge will be formed.

This is even more beneficial in the case of children. It is very salutary that the children see their parents praying together. I know many families who pray together. What can I say? I believe that these children capture the best images when they see their father kneeling down to pray, just like his mother too. Do you think this picture will someday be blotted out of their memory? Never. And the child will begin to appreciate his parents so much, they will love them so much and will honor that this picture will be his most powerful weapon, even when the parent can not give him any advice.

It is proved that the house in which people pray is very united. Especially if we learn how to practice in the Church, in the evening, before praying and going to bed, ask forgiveness from each other, that is, say: "I'm sorry, I made a mistake!" - and so go to bed. Well, this house is not a house anymore, it's just the sky, it's really all the best that can be, paradise! When the discord begins, the house turns into hell, and it's scary.

And do not think that children do not understand this: they have enormous intuition. Remember yourself when you were children, or if you have children, watch them. And I see three-four-year old children, as they accompany their parents to confession. And these children have a great intuition, they understand when parents do not get along with each other properly. Externally, the parents may not show anything, do not argue in the presence of the child, but he still understands that they have a problem. Therefore, the responsibility for parents lies tremendously. We are with you, okay, already great, even if we quarrel, we may not have psychological problems, but the children are very sensitive, and they get big injuries and problems because of this.

Therefore, it is very important that parents learn to pray together. Children who are born in such spiritual conditions, that is, after the prayers of the spouses, have all the prerequisites for the complete harmony of their spiritual world. In the Old Testament, there is a remarkable episode in the case of Tobit. When they got married and went to their room in the evening, before kneeling, they knelt down and prayed to God: "My God! Bless this our connection and unity, and give us a blessed child, blessed is the fruit, and keep us all our days, that we may be pleasing to You "[1].

Do you understand what kind of children are born under these assumptions and what will this family be like? And when children are born under the most bad prerequisites: in sins, passions, voluptuousness and copying of sham affairs, then you understand what will come of it.

And I'm not saying this alone, together with the Church, but also psychology. Today there is a whole science of "embryo psychology", teaching how important is the moment when a woman conceives in the womb of a child who carries the genetic code from now on.

Do you realize that you are becoming a co-worker of God, contributing to the birth of a person?

Elder Porphyry always spoke of this, it is written in his "Words", he advised the couple to have a very harmonious relationship before conceiving their children, because then you are promoting the arrival of man into the world. Do you realize that you are becoming a co-worker of God, helping to bring a person to this world? After all, you will not give birth to any beast or kitten, not some furniture, but the whole person for whose sake God Himself became a Man.

And this sacred act of matrimonial life has turned into debauchery, advertising and video are being made on it, which are being sold. The most sacred act of man's creation turned into a hideous sight, which can be committed anywhere ...

[1] Literally: "When they were alone in the room, Tobias got out of bed and said:" Arise, sister, and pray that the Lord will have mercy on us. " And Tobias began to say: "Blessed art thou, O God of our fathers, and blessed is thy holy and glorious name forever!" May the heavens and all your creatures bless you!

You created Adam and gave him to Eve's helper, I spank his wife. From them came the human race. You said: it is not good for a man to be alone, let us make a helper like him.

And now, Lord, I take this sister of mine not to satisfy lusts, but truly as a wife: to favor me, and let me grow old with her! "And she said with him:" Amen. " And both were quietly asleep that night. "(Comrade 8: 4-9).

Metropolitan of Africa, Athanasius of Limassol
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