Today: 20 May 2019
The appearance of the baby - is not only happiness, but also stress for the family. Changing roles and priorities, we have to make sacrifices, to reallocate the time and attention that a husband and wife give each other.
And one has only to adapt to a difficult situation, as an established ... triangle can intervene new element - a brother or sister. Mom again feels that nothing succeeds, torn between children, spouse, the economy and the desire to have a personal life. What to do? Easy! Now we will understand.
Do not panic
The most important - in advance to prepare the child to the emergence of younger family member. Honestly warn: "For some time now I have to give this a crumb more time. But you I will always love more than anyone else - because you are my firstborn!" But do not go too far by pumping the atmosphere responsibility! Installation should not be hard: "You're a senior and must now help!" can set the child on film. And what about your favorite toys, games and cartoons?
"The elder is the elder, but he is not a parent." Against the background of the younger, the senior seems so smart, so independent, and my mother needs help so much, "explains Tatyana Kutuzova, clinical psychologist and family psychotherapist at Contact." And the books say that the older child Carried away, parents often forget that the eldest is just a child, and "invite" him into their adult world, and sometimes they are shoved there by force. "Bring, take, hold, play, look ... "and" Do it yourself, I'm busy "- it's usually pr leads to the resistance of the child and the parent desperate "Well, you must understand!". And he understands that with the birth of a junior he had a responsibility, which is too much for him. He wants to be back a little. "
A good way out of this difficult situation - to emphasize the benefits that a senior can get help from. For example: "I would like to read you your book, but you must take out the trash and change clothes Katya. Maybe I let a quick disguise it, and you can help me with the garbage? Then we can read a little more today." On aid worth asking, and not represent it as a chore.
And do not forget not to stint on gratitude. And it can be not only direct, but also indirect, when you praise your child's girlfriend on the phone or an acquaintance who looked at the tea: "What would I do without it! With the advent of the little girl, she started to help me!" And bring everything I ask , and will do, and wait as long as necessary. "Such an assistant, such a clever woman!" - this remark, heard in passing, raises self-esteem and motivation. However, be prepared for the fact that in response to the offer to help, you can hear and firm "no, I better paint!" - means, this time I'll have to do everything myself.
Another important point is the sympathy of the grief of the child, who lost his "throne of the one and only". One of my clients for a few months came to consult with a little Andrei, who with the advent of his brother began to fear dogs, darkness and began to stutter in moments of special excitement. Only at the end of the third month of therapy did the true reason that the child was so worried revealed: "Grandfather asked if I'm doing well, or my parents can take me to the forest, because they will have a new baby now and they will not be old anymore need ". Probably, grandfather pursued a good pedagogical goal, but the means for this were chosen not at all faithful.
Another common mistake is the parent that, feeling the lack of time, often switch to older dad, grandmother and other relatives. Like, baby mom's attention much more important. But in fact, much more reasonable an assistant for a walk with her newborn baby, who do not care who rolls the stroller, and most the time to spend with my firstborn!
And do in these moments are not learned, and the things that bring a child a special pleasure: reading, games and simple arms, which with the advent of the youngest child becomes much smaller. The need for special closeness mom satisfies the crumbs that always sits on his hands, but the older she remains in short supply. So you can even find yourself a mandatory minimum of not less than eight hugs a day.
Time for yourself
While the baby is still quite small, the main part of the house affairs needs to be done with it, then the evening becomes thus a time when family members get together and do something together: a board game, look at the new film, making a snowman in the yard and dine at the same table.
And remember: the emergence of a new baby does not mean that you are out of guilt must forget about yourself as a woman. No matter how many children you have, the family must understand that my mother has the right to be alone, read a magazine or a favorite book. At first, it might just be 15-20 minutes a day. But they should be just yours!
"I think I just became somehow combine harvesting. Everything I do in the last two years - it takes children, economy and constantly cooking.
At one point, I ran past the mirror in the hallway and recoiled in fear because they do not recognize this tormented woman with tired eyes. I think I'm doing something wrong "- often tell women to be consulted.
Each experienced mom sooner or later there is a feeling that she copes with everything. Like many-armed Shiva, it simultaneously erases shampoos, clean up, change clothes and checks Jr. lessons from older. However, this omnipotence can lead to fatigue and even depression, so do not forget to insist that you help grandparents to to three years you had a person who may, if necessary to let you go with her husband for a few days on vacation or at Evening would have tea at your favorite cafe.
Do not forget about the need to go to a beauty salon and barber shop and just enjoy yourself and regret. And then your children will learn to not only love and care, but also an understanding of the boundaries of personal space, which can not violate the law, even the closest people.
What not to say
It's small, Give this man, you what, sorry? ..
Can be explained by the senior that small does not understand something. But in any case, do not force older sacrifice their own interests for the benefit of the younger. The result will be either a desire to be small (up to the vagaries and enuresis), or hatred of the youngest and his tough "education".
Not enough to have you and ...
For a child it is a terrible injustice forbid him to do something, because it's already done a brother or sister. He was lucky to climb on top of the tree, and I was frightened parents say, "But do not you dare!"
And he already knows!
Saying that senior already knows, and the youngest should be like him, we would like to develop and encourage young while it generates a feeling of inferiority, deny his personality. It should not be as a senior. He's different!
Speaking of Bush, he already knows how to do something as well, and even better the older, we cause suffering elder, and he keenly feels his inferiority. Praise each for his personal successes, praise them for their cooperation. And you will avoid many scandals, quarrels and problems in relationships.
Do not miss the moment!
Living side by side with the child, easy to miss changes. It is another, and you are with him still.
In infancy, it is important to be close to his mother, to feel her warmth.
In the three years to be able to say proudly, "I myself," tail follow the pope, to choose and to select toys and long puffing and cursing, putting on the tights backwards.
In five years - to read, play action games, socialize with other children.
In seven - proud of success in school, have a place to study this house have its own territory and secrets.
Parental wisdom to give the child the opportunity to move forward, not stopping it in the previous years, but not pushing, and praise for what is important to him at the moment.
Remember, the mandatory minimum for an older child - at least eight hugs a mother's day!
On materials: delfi.lv