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3 false myth about the relationship

There are lots of common myths about the relationship between the sexes, which are presented to us as the ultimate truth.

The first myth. Men are polygamous by nature.

American psychologist Andrew P. Smayler proved that it is not. In fact, the vast majority of the stronger sex wants a permanent relationship, not sex for one night, the scientist said.

Through surveys Smayler found that the number of men, sexually promiscuous, not so great, and often the maximum number of partners in these "stills" not exceed an average of three per year. Most of the surveyed researchers admit that they would like to build a relationship with a woman, and that is what makes them desire to touch partners in search of the most "unique".

The idea, representing a man as a polygamous creature, is quite logical from the point of view of evolution. According to her, any representative of the stronger sex tends, by virtue of instincts, to spread her seed in order to produce as many offspring as possible. However, according to Smiler, in the process of evolution there was also an understanding that in order for genes to be transferred further, control over descendants is necessary. And it's easier to carry out when you are next to your offspring. Therefore, modern men prefer to live in a family or, at least, maintain constant contact with their children. And this is possible only by maintaining relations with their mother.

The second myth. "The less we love a woman, the more she likes us."

Rather, on the contrary. Indeed, we are often drawn to those who treat us with indifference or disdain. However, this tactic is more often used by women than men, according to psychologists from the University of Western Sydney and the Singapore University of Management. In the course of the study, in which over 1,500 people took part, various strategies of flirting and courtship applied by both sexes were analyzed. It turned out that the participants used as many 58 thoughtful tactics connected with the committed disregard and ostentatious indifference towards the potential partner, and more often they were used by the fair sex. The most popular methods of conquering a partner were recognized as a demonstration of increased self-esteem, flirting with other members of the opposite sex in the process of flirting and refusal to have sex. In addition, it was noted that women use a tool such as sarcasm more often than men in conversation refer to employment, and also tend to tease men, rip off dates and turn on an answering machine when their elect must call, even if they are at home.

The third myth. Compatibility of partners - a pledge of successful relationships.

Most of us dream that there was a person next to us who would have a set of traits similar to our own. Meanwhile, compatibility occurs only in the process of "lapping" to each other, American researchers believe. At an early stage, it may seem a big plus for us that a partner has similar tastes, interests, and habits. But building relationships requires effort, the ability to give in, make compromises, respect the needs of those who are around ... Therefore, rather an alliance will be formed between people who are opposite to each other in character but are inclined to adjust to each other than similar, but not willing to yield in small things .

"Value compatibility exaggerated - says William Doherty of the University of Minnesota. - Similar personality traits that attract people to each other, may eventually change. Certain core values ​​- attitudes about money or children - are very important. Superficial - sports, travel, variety coffee - do not matter. "

"Giving too much importance to the issue of compatibility itself can be a wake-up call," says Ted Haston of the University of Texas, in turn. "My research has shown that there is absolutely no difference in the objective level of compatibility between happy and unlucky couples. that the unfortunate are convinced that compatibility for a successful marriage is vital - and just as convinced that they do not have it .When people say "We are incompatible," it usually means "We can not build our relations I do. "People exaggerate the significance of personality traits or values ​​and underestimate how much the similarity of temperaments is important for a successful marriage." "I think that relationships can bring much more joy if you learn to respect each other's opinions and try to find out about a partner as much as possible more ", - the head of research Nensi Slotnik is assured.

So the original "compatible" or "incompatible" just does not happen. No matter how you look like or no different from each other, the relationship will not develop if you do not work on them. Conversely, if people with different psychological characteristics compromise with each other, they have a better chance to build a strong alliance, experts say.